Has someone made fun of you? Did someone hurt your friend or family member? Has someone embarrassed you in front of your friends? Has someone stolen something from you? Did someone hurt your feelings? If you answered yes to any of these, you may have wanted to get back at the person, or you know someone who seeked revenge. If you thought about and wanted revenge, well you’re not alone.

In my last post I mentioned that one of the things you shouldn’t do when you get hurt is seek revenge. Revenge has a way of consuming your entire being. Your emotions take the steering wheel and can cause you to do and say things you wouldn’t normally say or do.  Afterwards, you can become so consumed with guilt and remorse because you’re ashamed of yourself for the bad behavior you showed and for what bad things you may have said.  You can quickly regret your actions and that regret can linger for an unknown amount of time.  Getting caught up in wanting revenge can make you no better than the other person and may make you look worse.

Revenge causes you to feel so tense, angry, have tunnel vision, and become bitter to those around you.  Your friends, family, spouse, boyfriend, girlfriend can all be affected by you wanting revenge.  You don’t see reality for what it is, you can get stuck in a fantasy world.  You can become blind to the consequences of your actions.  You can refuse to listen to any kind of reasoning from anyone.  All you can think about is how you plan to get back at the person or people who wronged you.  You think of what kind of harm or even injury you want to inflict to the people or person who wronged you.  In your mind, you have come with a conclusion that carrying out your revenge will bring you satisfaction and relief; but that isn’t the case.  Those ‘good feelings’ are not long term and can be false; they last briefly and then your back to feeling how you were before.  You wind up putting all you energy to coming up with some kind of revenge and most of the time you don’t even know your doing it.  Another thing to consider is that you plan and plan the perfect revenge for hours, days, and maybe weeks.  All that time and energy used just for a small moment of gratification.  To me, the benefits of getting revenge is not worth it.

If you are considering getting back or inflicting some kind of harm to someone, I would say don’t do it.  Here are some reasons why seeking revenge is not worth it and what it can do to your well being:

1. Revenge can Backfire on You

You can carefully plan the perfect revenge, but it can backfire on you.  The other person or people can find out and can either get back at you or not care.  When I say not care, I mean that you get your revenge on them, but they are unphased by what you said or did.  You are hoping that this person or people will get upset, cry, get hurt, or get mad as result of all the hard work you put into your revenge plan, but if they are unaffected by it, then all that hard work was for nothing.

2. It can Cause More Problems

Revenge is just messy.  You can wind up with more problems than what you started with.  Other people who are associated with the person or people who wronged you and had nothing to do with the problem can get caught in the line of fire.  Revenge can wind up consuming your time and energy that you wind up neglecting your friends, family and those who care about you.  Even the problems you did have can even get worse.  Ever heard the saying “Two wrongs don’t make a right”?  Just some food for thought for you to remember.

3. A Waste of Time

Revenge can wind up wasting so much of your time.  As I mentioned, you put so much energy and time planning some kind of revenge all for a brief moment of satisfaction.  You neglect time with friends, family, spouse, etc.  There are fun events that happen all the time, you can easily miss out on them.  For example, you plan to get back at someone from school, so you plan and plan until the day comes and you do it.  Well in that time frame, things could have been going on that you love to do and you missed out on them.  You could have missed out on going to see a new movie, hanging out with a friend who was in town for a little while, or miss out on your sisters birthday.

4. You Don’t Feel Good About Yourself Afterwards

You got your revenge on someone, well how do you feel?  You feel good right?  Well that feeling doesn’t last long.  You then probably feel bad about yourself because you know deep down your not a mean person.  You feel bad that you hurt someone else’s feelings now.  You may be consumed with regret and guilt.  No one likes to feel lousy and down, so if that’s the case, then don’t get revenge on anyone.  Revenge won’t make you feel better.

5. You Can Get a Bad Reputation

If your someone who is also getting revenge on people, people will take notice.  Even if you don’t care about what other people think about you, people will not want to be around you.  You may be known to a community, teammates, student body, co-workers, etc that your someone who is always going to seek revenge against someone.  This can make it harder to make new friends or meet someone you want a relationship with.

Want to know what the best kind of revenge is, no revenge.  Forgiveness, though it may be tough to do, is what you should choose instead of revenge.  Getting revenge on someone won’t heal you, you won’t be happy for long, and it can just make things worse.