Trying to Fit in? Well Should You Even Try?

Why fit in when you were born to stand out

Dr Seuss

All right, new questions. Have you ever been in a situation where there were a group of people doing something fun and you felt like you should be apart of it? Were there some people talking about your favorite sports team and you wanted to be part of that conversation? Did someone tell you that you should do something because it would make you happy and everyone else is doing it? You’re not alone if you said yes to any of these questions. I’ve been in these kind of situations myself, wanting to fit in with a group of people. With that said, is it always best to be a part of and follow the herd?

Why Do We Feel That Need to Fit in?

As we grow up, whether we get taught this or learn about it ourselves, we don’t want to feel or be alone. Peer pressure comes into the picture and that can increase our stress levels. Our stress vision starts playing out scenarios in our mind of the worst possible outcomes. The idea of feeling or being alone can become a life-or-death concept. This can cause us to join a group of people that are not right for us. We may or may not know that they’re not right for us, but we join them because we don’t want to feel or be alone. We want to follow and be part of the herd. In our minds, we may think that it’s easier to follow the herd than be our own person.

Fear of Standing Out

We believe that following the herd makes us like everyone else, we’re not the odd person out, plus we’re happy. We believe that if we’re not doing what everyone else is doing that were weird, not cool, and sometimes we get made fun of. Standing out in the crowd can put the spotlight on you and people may be focused on everything you do because you’re not doing what everyone else is doing. You may have a fear of not doing what you love and enjoy because people will make fun of you and bully you because no one else is doing that. You may be afraid to stand out because you may not know how to hold your own. What I mean by this is that you may not know who you are as a person and have trouble staying true to your morals and values. Maybe you don’t know what your morals and values are yet. We may know the answer to a question our teacher asks us, but we don’t raise our hand to answer because no one else is and we don’t want to look like we’re smart.

With all that said, here are some ways you can stand out in the crowd and be your own person:

Find your passion is one way to stand out among people. When your doing what your passionate about, you feel a great sense of comfort and security. Your confidence goes up and you don’t think about fitting in with people, you don’t feel embarrassed or nervous about doing your own thing. Being involved in what you’re passionate about makes you happy and even empowered.

Be original to the people around you. Talk to them normally. You don’t need to use accents if you don’t have one or talk differently. If you’re someone who doesn’t use foul language, don’t change the way you talk just because everyone else is talking like that. If you’re not a big talker, that’s fine. Maybe you don’t talk that much, but when you do talk, you say something that is worth listening to. The right kind of people will like you for who you are and not pretending to be.

Talk to people who do there own thing and not worry about what everyone else is doing. If you have friends or family who can be there own person, ask them for advice about how you can do that. They may have been in the same predicament you’re in right now. Now what worked for this person may not work for you, but at least you have options to try. What makes someone happy may not make you happy. Remember follow your path.

Appreciate who you are. In a previous post, I mentioned that there is only one of you in this world which makes you special. Appreciating yourself can be great for your overall well-being. It helps you be physically, mentally, and emotionally healthy. In some cases this is easier said than done, but keeping focusing and figuring out your strengths, heal if you need to, and begin to accept your flaws.

Wrap up

Trying to fit in with a group of people is something we do as humans. We are wired with a sense of belonging that can go into overdrive if the need is not met. By not following the herd, yes we may encounter problems and ridicule, but by staying true to who we are, we find happiness, satisfaction, and peace of mind. Introverted and extraverted people both encounter this issue. Now if we are part of group of people and fit in with them, that’s great. I’m not saying we shouldn’t be part of a group; what I am saying is we should be able to be our own unique self as well.