Was there a time where you met someone and he or she was so much fun getting to know and being around? I’m sure there are several people like that in your life. As time went on however, as you got to know this person, did you begin to think differently about yourself? Did you start to believe that you weren’t good enough to be around? Did you think that you weren’t good enough to be their friend? Maybe you reached a point where you just stayed away from this person and avoided them.
Not Good Enough, but why?
‘Not good enough’ is a phrase we have said, read, thought of, or heard at some point in our lives. Your not alone if any of these things have ever been on your mind. This is something I battled with for quite some time recently. There are people with very big hearts who are funny, generous, humble, and kind to everyone they meet. There are people who gravitate toward them because they are such wonderful people to be around.
However, as I mentioned there are individuals who stay away from those kinds of people for various reasons. Maybe they don’t think there good enough to be in their presence. They may think they’ll say something to make that person feel bad.
These thoughts stem from our insecurities. I have mentioned flaws in the past; that we should accept them because that makes us unique and it’s easier to live our lives with them. Well our flaws can get the best of us at times and can make us think less of ourselves if we let them take control of the steering wheel.
We think things like, ‘I’m stupid for thinking that I was good enough’ or ‘No matter how hard I try, my best will never be good enough’. These are some thoughts I battled with for over a year. We compare our self-worth to those who we believe are better than us.
We may think that we we have things under control in our lives, but then when we see or interact with someone who is smiling, laughing, making jokes, and is overall all joyful, we can sometimes begin to look down on ourselves. We can start to think that our negative or less than positive vibe will bring down someone else’s positive and joyful vibe. If things get too bad, we even may just cheat ourselves out of a fun time and let the negative and toxic thinking take away all the good that there is or could be.
Insecurities Taking Control
If our insecurities get the better of us, toxic thoughts, lies, and all kinds if negative vibes can occur within us. These things can effect us not just mentally and emotionally, but also physically as well. The longer this goes on, the harder it can be to get out of this negative cycle.
Insecurities can affect the way we interact with everyone around us. We look at someone different than who they really are. We may think that everything in their life comes easy to them, they don’t don’t know what its like to feel down, and that they get everything handed to them on a silver platter.
Your insecurities can make it hard for you to love yourself. You don’t feel satisfied with everything you do. You second guess yourself with things you say or do. You think that you could have done better. Though we strive to do better, getting stuck in that mindset can cause us to loose touch with the present and ignore any progress or hard work we do or have done.
What Really May be Going on
Now at this point you think that this other person with a big heart is and is doing better than you. Well remember my post on wearing emotional masks? These people with big hearts could be wearing them. On the outside they look like everything is fine, but in the inside they’re not doing so good.
Your insecurities can give you a negative lense in seeing life. You may not see the reality of the situation. Things may not be as bad as you made them out to be.
If anything I have mentioned spoke true to you, here are some tips to not let your insecurities get the better of you:
- Find what traits makes you unique and special than everyone else. Being different isn’t a bad thing.
- Find what factors and traits you and the other person have in common
- Listen to their words and don’t second guess them
- Take care of yourself and respect your well being.
- Treat yourself to something nice
- Insecurities can create unrealistic expectations and facts. Find out, challenge, and pick apart those things to see if they really are true
- REALLY really get to know the other person so if there are things repeated about themselves, you begin to realize that those things are really true
- Learn to accept your flaws
- Work through your insecurities and not let them control you and be patient with yourself
- Learn to take what the other person says at face value. Not everyone is out to get you, wanting to deceive, lie, or manipulate you
- Seek professional help or morale and emotional support from family and friends if things are too tough to handle alone
Learning to love yourself sounds easy, but it can be one of the hardest things to learn and do in your life. It’s something that takes time and maybe your whole life. You may have to work through some tough things, but it’s worth it.
What I found is that you can reach a point where your insecurities aren’t controlling you, but your able to manage them better. You can work off of that foundation better until you reach a point where you are at peace with yourself. What is that point you may be wondering, I don’t know; only you know that. Everyone gets to that place differently and at different times.
Take care, stay safe, and remember your not alone and you have worth in this world.