Video Discussion: 7 Things You Shouldn’t Feel Guilty For

Hi there everyone, I hope you all are doing all right.  There are a number of things that we can feel guilty about.  This video focuses on 7 different things that we feel guilty about and how they can influence different aspects of our life.

The feeling of guilt can lead to feelings of inadequacy, unwanted anxiety, and perfectionism. This then leads to high levels of stress and overcompensating on every thing you.

Your not alone if you have felt guilty about doing something for yourself. We are allowed to have hobbies, personal interests, and we are allowed to invest our time and energy into them. I have felt this way, your parents, best friends, teachers, co-workers, boss, significant other, family members, etc have all felt this kind of guilt before.

Feeling Guilty for Feeling Happy

At some point, we have felt guilty about something.  We feel bad for hurting someone’s feelings, not doing something we should have, and for doing something that makes us happy.  Yes feeling guilty about being happy is a real thing. 

We feel guilty of being happy for doing things we enjoy because our brains can translate that into being selfish and self-centered.  We feel we should be doing something for everyone in our lives and helping them with their problems.  Yes this is something we do, but we also need to take time for ourselves. 

We need to rest and recharge ourselves.  We also need to invest our time and energy doing things that bring us joy.  That isn’t being selfish, that’s taking care of ourselves. This video goes into more details.

Wrap Up

Not being perfect, asking for help, being successful, saying no when you need to, removing yourself from toxic situations or people, ending toxic relationships, and wanting to be happy are only 7 things we shouldn’t feel guilty about. There are various other things as well. Our self-worth, esteem, and inner peace are very special and important to our well-being. Yes we do want to please and help others, but we also shouldn’t feel guilty or ashamed that we want to take time for ourselves.

I hope this video shined some light on your life. Hopefully you got some clarity and some bettee guidance in your life. Maybe some heavy stress and anxiety just got lifted from your shoulders and mind. Maybe now you can breathe better too.

Take care, stay safe, and remember your not alone and you have worth in this world.

Why Don’t People Ask for Help Every Now and Then?

Now this is something that I really struggled with in my past. It became very relevant with the last job I had in late 2016. There are many reasons why one would refuse to ask for help. There are also people out there who don’t know how to ask for help. Now some would question that and think ‘how do people not know how to ask for help?’. These are things I want to discuss in this post.

This topic is something I struggled with throughout my life. If I didn’t know something instead of asking for help, I would just find a solution myself or just go on in my life without knowing the answer. So if this is you, you’re not alone. For me, this is been a long process and a lot of work of rewiring different things in my mind, eliminating lies, eliminating unrealistic expectations, and deconstructing old stigmas. There are probably a handful of people in your life who don’t always ask for help or refuses any kind of help completely.

Refusing Help

There are people out there who don’t want help. They refuse it for a number of reasons. They believe that whatever is that they’re working on that only they can do it right. No one can do a better job than they can. These kind of people prefer to do things alone. They don’t want to be bothered by other people.

One of the motivators for this kind of behavior is that these people want to take all the credit for themselves. They don’t want to share the accomplishment, achievement, or glory with anyone. Another motivator can be pride. Some people are too proud to ask for help. They sometimes will make things harder on themselves by not asking for help. You could say that they work hard and not always smart.

A big reason someone will not ask for help is because of a lack of trust. If someone doesn’t trust another person with a secret or a task they will refuse any kind of help. There are various levels of trust and bigger secrets requires a large amount of trust.

There are some students in school and college who will not ask for help on assignments, projects, quizzes, or exams. There are students who will not ask a teacher or professor for help because they think they’ll look dumb in front of them. They may think that the teacher thought they weren’t paying attention during class. There are also scenarios where someone won’t ask for help because they will feel embarrassed for asking it.

There are also some students who are afraid of being seen as a know-it-all or a teacher’s pet in front of the other students. If a teacher asks the class a question, there are some students who know the answer, but won’t raise their hand because of this fear. They’re afraid that they’ll be made it fun of or bullied for just being smart and or being smarter than they are.

People may have also have asked for help in the past, but got ridiculed or scolded for it. So now they’re afraid to ask for help with anything because of that fear. Another reason people don’t ask for help is because they are afraid that they’ll look stupid. They could be around a group of their friends or even family members and if they have a question about something they won’t ask it. They don’t want to look stupid or foolish in front of people that care about them and respect them.

Don’t Know How to Ask For Help

Now there are people out there who want help, but don’t know how to ask for it. These people may have grown up learning that asking for help is a sign of weakness. That having help with something to reach a goal is saying that ‘you couldn’t do it by yourself’. These people also may have grown up doing everything and in their life by themselves. So asking for help, even with a tiniest thing, is unfamiliar to them.

There are people out there who are so independent and take care of everything they need to do on their own that asking for help is foreign to them. Should they come across something that they can’t do by themselves and need actual help with, they may feel very lost and confused. They also may feel very uncomfortable and could start stressing themselves out over this.

Here are some ways that can help you to start asking for help when you need it:

  • Know exactly what you need help with
  • Show that you have tried something by yourself
  • Make make a list of things you need help with
  • Make a list of people who you believe can help you
  • Know that it is healthy and smart to ask for help
  • Be aware of how good it feels when your getting help
  • Speak up
  • Ask for help in a positive way
  • Don’t be self-deprecating
  • Be persistent
  • Don’t worry what others will think of you

Discussion

Asking for help with various things is a part of our life. We’re all on different journeys and sometimes we need help getting to where we want to be. Were not a lesser person for asking for help. We do have people in our lives who are willing to help us if we ask them. In my experience, I have heard people saying that if you ever need to talk just shoot me a text or an email. This means that the person has opened the door for you and all you have to do is walk in. If you ask for their help and for some odd reason they turn you down, it can be hurtful but you’re not at fault. This just shows set the person’s morals and values aren’t that good. You probably wouldn’t trust them with anything or be very hesitant to ask them for help again.

Wrap Up

Sometimes asking for help can be scary because you don’t know what the other person is going to say. They may refuse to help you or they don’t know how to help you. You can ask for help and still be independent and build character. There are things in life you want to work smart at and not hard at. There is no shame and ask for help at all. You don’t have to learn everything in life on your own. Learning to ask for someone else’s help can help build your self-esteem and confidence. You see that there are kind and helpful people in our world. If you need help, you need help. There is nothing wrong with that. Real family and true friends will offer to help you when you need it. At some point in your life, the tables will turn. Someone will ask you for your help with something and when that time comes, will you help them? Take care of yourselves and remember you’re not alone and you have worth in this world.

The Transition From High School to College

Graduation is an exciting time. It’s both an ending and a beginning. It’s warm memories of the past and big dreams for the future.

If your about to graduate from high school and are looking to go to college, you probably have a lot going on. You may be checking out different campuses, attending orientations, speaking with different advisors on the phone or in person, filling out applications, getting student loans and scholarships. You probably have a lot on your plate even if you have a job. Well if you have gone through this transition, this post may not be for you. If you are going through this or in the next year or two you will, hopefully this information makes it easier for you and clears some things up. I’ve gone through this transition and it can be draining. There were days that were tougher than others. So don’t think your the only high school student who is struggling with this transition; many other students are as well.

What is this Transition?

The high school to college transition is one the big transitions in your life that you’ll experience. You can say that your making the transition from teenager to adult since this transition mostly involves students who are 17 and 18. There can be a lot of uncertainty of what is going to happen next in your life. The feelings of uncertainty can be greater if you are moving out of home and plan on living in a dorm on the college campus, getting your own apartment, or moving in with friends are a few examples. You get your first taste of what adulthood and the real world are like. You have to take care of yourself like feeding yourself, washing your clothes, and getting yourself up for class are a few examples. This transition can be scary for some people because you may not know what to do especially if you’re going to be living on your own. You may get advice from your parents, friends, siblings, or teachers about this transition. Getting advice is good since it gives you a sense of direction and clarity, but you have to decide what works best for you.

New Atmosphere and Environment

Any kind of college or university is going to have be a different environment than what you experienced in high school. The atmosphere is going to be different as well. The student body is going to be much much larger, the age range of people is going to be bigger than just 18 year olds and people in their early twenties. You’ll have people in their thirties, forties, fifties, even some who are 15 and 16. The professors still hold you accountable to do the work required, but they won’t be on you like a needle on a cactus to do it. They leave it up to you to do the work and turn it in. They won’t go out if their way to see if you keep up with the assignments. For example, if you don’t turn in an assignment, they will just give you a zero and move on. I guess you can say that they won’t mommy you because it’s not their job. You are able to walk around the campus whenever you want even if you don’t have a class that day. You have the opportunity to be your own person. You can visit the library anytime you want. There is usually a place where students can eat and get together to study, hangout, attend an event, etc. I would suggest checking it out. There are opportunities to join a sorority or fraternity and be close and live with other students. You still have the opportunity to attend various sporting events and getting involved in other clubs and organizations at your school.

Here are some tips that can help you during this transition:

1. Develop Time Management Skills

When it comes to college classes, as I pointed out no one is going to force you to attend them. If you want to do well, you need to attend class on time, do the work assigned, and when there is an exam, be in class that day. Having a planner can be helpful to keep track of when assignments are due, exam dates, appointments, and other responsibilities. Trying to cram everything thing you need to know for an exam the night before might not work out well. Try planning on studying for 2 or 3 days before the exam.

2. Be Ready to Write a Lot

Depending on the classes you take, you will be writing quite a number of essay papers. You’ll be given a topic and you’ll have to develop a thesis for it and then support it with facts. You’ll have to thoroughly explain the topic in specific details. These papers can range from 2 to 3 pages or more. Plan out how much you’re going to write each day so that you’re not scrambling at the last second.

3. Keep Procrastination in Check

When it comes to college work it can be overwhelming. One thing to keep in mind is to not put things off over and over and let that become a habit. If you have a large project to complete, break it down into smaller and more manageable tasks. The large scary project won’t seem that scary when you tackle it one small piece at a time. I can speak from experience. Doing this will allow you to build your confidence. If you have 5 assignments due by the end of the week, plan what days you want to do what assignments. If you have more free time on one day, try and get done two assignments that day. If one day you have a lot of things going on a certain way, you may only have time to complete one assignment or maybe none. Plan accordingly and don’t overwhelm yourself to where you put the assignment off completely.

4. Take Care of Yourself

As I mentioned your parents won’t be there to tell you what to do. So it will be up to you when I go to bed, when does study, do laundry, and when to eat. Poor self-care can result in unnecessary stress that can affect your schoolwork. Exercise can be helpful in staving off stress even if it’s just walking around campus. Getting good sleep and eating right will give you the energy you need to better tackle the college life.

5. Remember to Ask for Help

The high school to college transition as I mentioned can be scary. What would help to clear the confusion and uncertainty is to ask people for help. Talk with one or some of your teachers about it, they went through the transition. Talk to your parents, relatives, a guidance counselor, older siblings, etc. There’s some people in your life that I’ve gone through this transition and they can offer you advice on what worked for them and maybe it will work for you. Ask questions about how to pay for tuition, applying for scholarships, what to do when you’re not in class, study tips, if living on campus are living at home and going to class is better for me, should I be working while going to school, etc.

Final Thoughts and Sum Up

The high school to college transition is a big step and new chapter in your life if you decide to step into it. Yes it could be scary overwhelming confusing, but you’re not the only one that is thinking and experiencing those things. There are people out there who can help you. Your parents and friends even teachers can be there to support and help you. I will say that when going through this transition, take care of yourself. You’re the only you in this world.

Did You Happen to Fail at Something, Try Again

We’ve all had it happen to us.  We try something and we fail at it.  I have experienced this many times in my life and that means you aren’t the only one who has experienced this.  Well that means we should give up and never try again right?  Nope you’re wrong about that.  

Some people have a knack for things and those things come easily for them.  It’s all right if that isn’t you all the time.  You have a knack for things that another person doesn’t.  That person could be your friend, family member, or the person right next to you.  Trial and error is a concept that everyone faces in life in some way shape or form.  We deal with it especially when we try something new for the first time.  However, we don’t always get it the first time.  I know that’s the case for me.   

When we fail at something, it can be easy to fall victim to the negativity and stress.  We tend to look down on ourselves and lower our entire self-esteem over this one failure big or small.  What we have to do is pick ourselves back up, dust ourselves off, and try again. For example, say you are learning how to shoot a bow, you have taken the lessons and you are trying to hit the bull-eyes, but you keep missing.  You have two options at this point, give up or pick up your arrows and try again.  Maybe it takes you over a 100 tries and a couple of hours, but with persistence you finally hit that bulls-eye.  Your not a failure for it taking this long because, despite the attempts and time, you eventually hit it.

Starting or trying something new takes time and practice to get good at it.  Were not perfect, if we were then this concept wouldn’t exist.  If you try something new and still can’t get it, stay with it, but let it consume you to the point where you stop taking care of yourself.  Don’t skip meals or sleep; your body needs these things for energy and concentration.

Here are some tips that can help you better understand this concept as well as prevent you from succumbing to the negativity:

1. Ask For Help 

We all need it time and time again.  We try something, we fail, we try again but with a twist the next time.  Asking for help with something we are struggling with doesn’t mean we are failures; it means we are being smart.  Say we get help with our math homework for a month, we aren’t giving up on trying to learn something new, we are still trying, were just doing it differently.  The goal is to do the homework ourselves and get a good grade on it.  So if we need a tutor or help from the teacher for a month until we understand it, then so be it.  

2. Take Time to Relax and Get Your Energy Back

Trial and error takes up time, but also energy, physically and mentally.  Trying over and over can lead to burnout if you don’t give yourself a break to recover.  Step away for an hour, a couple hours, maybe a day depending on what you have going on.  Don’t neglect people or other important things just because you want to get good at something.  Getting your energy back and getting the right mindset to tackle something again still isn’t giving up because you are still coming back to it.

3. Talk with Someone

Frustration and sometimes sadness can build up from many failed attempts of trial and error.  Besides taking time for yourself, it can be helpful to talk things out with a friend, parent, sibling, someone who you know will listen.  You could be stuck on something and a different viewpoint and insight can be helpful and bring you the clarity that you need. You may not get a solution, maybe you just need to vent which can be relieving.  If you do vent, just make sure it’s to someone who won’t feel offended or hurt by you.  It can be helpful to have someone help you look at things in another way.  

4. Is it Really Important?

What I have had to ask myself is ‘what I’m trying to accomplish, is it really important?’  I have answered yes and no.  When I answered yes, I asked myself what the benefits to learning this new thing will bring me.  I could come up with a small list for short-term goals and long-term goals.  When I answered no, I had to stop and reevaluate.  Is learning this new skill, technique, or thing going to enrich me or not?  If you have tried to learn something new and it’s not working and it’s costing you time away from schoolwork, hurting your job performance, neglecting friends, family, your health, or breaking promises to others, you might need to stop and walk away.  The idea is that you don’t give up and keep trying, however remember to be smart and use common sense.  If the consequences are greatly outweighing the benefits, then it wouldn’t be worth it.    

5. Set Realistic Goals

You fail and keep trying again, set a goal or goals to provide structure and motivation.  Are the goals short or long, well you have to decide.  Do you want success in whatever it is by the end of the week, month, year?  Setting goals can provide the energy and motivation you need to keep going and keep trying at what you are trying to accomplish. When setting these goals make sure you can achieve them.  For example, wanting to become a pro soccer player by the end of the week will require more time than seven days.  Learning how to hit a golf ball straight regardless of distance by the end of the week sounds more achievable.

Giving up is the easy thing to do and these days we tend to look for the easy way out.  During these tough times is where we have to dig deep and persevere.  We are capable of accomplishing anything if we are determined and put in the hard work and time.  If you continue to fail at what your working on, keep in mind that you are not a failure.  We tend to let the stress and frustration get to us and begin listening to the lies it can tell us.