Video Time: How to Improve Your Self Worth

Hi there, sorry about not posting last week, I had some personal things going on and work was very busy. I realized I haven’t made a Video Time Post in quite some time.

So these videos are about self-worth. One comes from motivational speaker Mel Robbins. The other comes from the video series Pysch2go. The last one comes from licened counselor Lisa Ryan.

These videos talk about the reasons why we sacrifice our self-worth to fit in with people, how to build our confidence, dealing with peer pressure, and how to take better care of ourselves mentally. I’ve discussed the topic of self-worth before and I’ve found that hearing ideas and other perspectives from different people to be insightful.

Also thank you to those who have been patient with me; I truly appreciate it. Im grateful to have people who read my content and take away something to better their lives and to enhance their knowledge on life. Down the road I hope to post more content during the week. Have a wonderful Thanksgiving to those who celebrate it. Take care, stay safe, and remember your not alone and you have worth in this world.

Symbolism: What You Build and Create is Different Than Others

You are Your Own Person

My very first post when I started this blog was a post on comparing yourself to others. This concept is a real struggle for some people. So for this symbolism post I thought I talk about in another perspective.

As we get older, we begin to create our own lifestyle. However, other people’s lifestyles can make us feel jealous and envyness. Sometimes we focus our mindset towards what others. This can be because they either have qualities, traits, or material things that we want or we think their way of life is than ours.

So I want you to focus on the first tree in the center of the pic. What do you notice? It’s not a huge tree. It looks to be in good health. It has a handful of branches that aren’t real big or long, but it has a bunch of green leaves.

Someone planted this tree and mother nature has been good to it and taken care of it. Now this tree didn’t get this way over night or in 1 week. It took time for it to get this way. Just like when you build or create something big like a house or a diorama, it takes time and effort to complete them.

Now don’t get me wrong, some things can get done in a day or less than a days time. The point is that every big business or actors successful TV and/or film career didn’t come about in a short time. That business success and fame took time to grow.

Now look at this pic. What’s different from the first? Well there are more trees. These trees are very big. They have more branches and they are longer and stronger. These individual trees have way more leaves on them.

Each of these trees are in good health and they have been around for a long time. Now think back what I just mentioned about the first tree. These trees have had more time to become what they are.

Overall Point

Success isn’t always achieved overnight or in a days time. The bigger and biggest things take time, energy, and effort to develop. Everyone starts from a different starting line. If you have built and created something and it’s only gotten as successful as the progress of the first tree, that’s fine. Don’t let the success of people and the creation of other things (the big trees) discourage you.

You don’t always know the full story. Those that make it appear like everything is going great and problem free, may be hiding some huge problems. If that’s the case, you should feel lucky that you don’t have to deal with those huge problems.

Some people only like talking about their successes which isn’t a bad thing. However, this can give push people away and intimidate them into thinking that they are not good enough or failures. They may think that nothing wrong ever happens to that person.

Now this goes into how someones mindset is. If it’s a pessimistic one, then that can cause unwanted stress. If it’s a optimistic one, someone can be happy for the other person’s accomplishment and maybe even get inspired from it.

One last thing, don’t put down or make fun of whatever someone else has created and built regardless of the size. A lot of work and passion went into creating whatever it is. The person who created it probably feels proud of it. Be nice to one another.

Take care, stay safe, and remember your not alone and you have worth in this world.

Whose an Approachable Person in Your Life?

Have you ever been around someone and you just get a vibe from them about whether or not you should talk to them or not? Their words say one thing and yet your not sure if you should ask them a question or not. You start thinking ‘should I even be around them though’.

If you have had these thoughts before, your not the only one. I’ve had those thoughts myself. There are people who are cautious about who they talk to. They are also cautious about who they invest their time and energy with.

Why Do People Think This Way?

Shyness, unwanted stress and anxiety, letting insecurities run your life, not knowing how to introduce yourself to others, and fear in general can be factors of why someone will keep to themselves and not talk to someone. These factors can cause someone to think other people are not approachable. If your confused and/or don’t understand something, you don’t ask a question or for help and you just keep it to yourself. However that’s not always the case.

People give off vibes about their personality. This is can be from the way they talk and the way they act around friends, family, and strangers. Some people say things to invite others into their lives like, “If you have questions, don’t hesitate to ask”, or “You can call or text me anytime”. Words say one thing, the behavior from the person can say another.

There are people who can pick up on good and bad vibes from others very easily. There are people who you can open up to about anything. There are those you can open up to, but you are still reserved on some deep personal things.

Examples

If you know someone who raises their voice to the point of yelling during a simple conversation and has trouble talking to people, chances are this person isn’t very approachable even if they say you can talk to them anytime you need to. Then you have someone who smiles when they’re around people they know and don’t know. They are being kind and generous to others. When they say things, you can take their word for it. These types of people are approachable to go up to. You can introduce yourself to them and ask them questions easily.

Here’s some tips and ways to approach other people better and how you can become more approachable to others:

  • Be respectful to others and yourself
  • Smile and laugh
  • Take people up on their offer when they say you can ask them anything
  • Use eye contact
  • Take some deep breaths
  • Rehearse your introduction to others
  • Keep your head up
  • Mirror the person your talking to
  • Avoid nervous twitching and habits
  • Be accessible to others
  • If your holding something like a drink, hold it at your side, not in front of your chest
  • Be positive
  • Nod and acknowledge the other person during a conversation

Wrap Up

Anyone can be approachable; only you can decide if that’s you. Confidence doesn’t come easy for some people. It can take time, but that’s ok. Just be patient and keep working on it. If you have trouble looking someone in the eye, try looking at just one of their eyes or in between their eyes until it gets easier. Not everyone is out to get you. People who say ‘you can come to me and ask me questions’ some really do mean it. That goes for the same to those people who say ‘were always here for you’.

Take care, stay safe, and remember your not alone and you have worth in this world.

Why Don’t People Ask for Help Every Now and Then?

Now this is something that I really struggled with in my past. It became very relevant with the last job I had in late 2016. There are many reasons why one would refuse to ask for help. There are also people out there who don’t know how to ask for help. Now some would question that and think ‘how do people not know how to ask for help?’. These are things I want to discuss in this post.

This topic is something I struggled with throughout my life. If I didn’t know something instead of asking for help, I would just find a solution myself or just go on in my life without knowing the answer. So if this is you, you’re not alone. For me, this is been a long process and a lot of work of rewiring different things in my mind, eliminating lies, eliminating unrealistic expectations, and deconstructing old stigmas. There are probably a handful of people in your life who don’t always ask for help or refuses any kind of help completely.

Refusing Help

There are people out there who don’t want help. They refuse it for a number of reasons. They believe that whatever is that they’re working on that only they can do it right. No one can do a better job than they can. These kind of people prefer to do things alone. They don’t want to be bothered by other people.

One of the motivators for this kind of behavior is that these people want to take all the credit for themselves. They don’t want to share the accomplishment, achievement, or glory with anyone. Another motivator can be pride. Some people are too proud to ask for help. They sometimes will make things harder on themselves by not asking for help. You could say that they work hard and not always smart.

A big reason someone will not ask for help is because of a lack of trust. If someone doesn’t trust another person with a secret or a task they will refuse any kind of help. There are various levels of trust and bigger secrets requires a large amount of trust.

There are some students in school and college who will not ask for help on assignments, projects, quizzes, or exams. There are students who will not ask a teacher or professor for help because they think they’ll look dumb in front of them. They may think that the teacher thought they weren’t paying attention during class. There are also scenarios where someone won’t ask for help because they will feel embarrassed for asking it.

There are also some students who are afraid of being seen as a know-it-all or a teacher’s pet in front of the other students. If a teacher asks the class a question, there are some students who know the answer, but won’t raise their hand because of this fear. They’re afraid that they’ll be made it fun of or bullied for just being smart and or being smarter than they are.

People may have also have asked for help in the past, but got ridiculed or scolded for it. So now they’re afraid to ask for help with anything because of that fear. Another reason people don’t ask for help is because they are afraid that they’ll look stupid. They could be around a group of their friends or even family members and if they have a question about something they won’t ask it. They don’t want to look stupid or foolish in front of people that care about them and respect them.

Don’t Know How to Ask For Help

Now there are people out there who want help, but don’t know how to ask for it. These people may have grown up learning that asking for help is a sign of weakness. That having help with something to reach a goal is saying that ‘you couldn’t do it by yourself’. These people also may have grown up doing everything and in their life by themselves. So asking for help, even with a tiniest thing, is unfamiliar to them.

There are people out there who are so independent and take care of everything they need to do on their own that asking for help is foreign to them. Should they come across something that they can’t do by themselves and need actual help with, they may feel very lost and confused. They also may feel very uncomfortable and could start stressing themselves out over this.

Here are some ways that can help you to start asking for help when you need it:

  • Know exactly what you need help with
  • Show that you have tried something by yourself
  • Make make a list of things you need help with
  • Make a list of people who you believe can help you
  • Know that it is healthy and smart to ask for help
  • Be aware of how good it feels when your getting help
  • Speak up
  • Ask for help in a positive way
  • Don’t be self-deprecating
  • Be persistent
  • Don’t worry what others will think of you

Discussion

Asking for help with various things is a part of our life. We’re all on different journeys and sometimes we need help getting to where we want to be. Were not a lesser person for asking for help. We do have people in our lives who are willing to help us if we ask them. In my experience, I have heard people saying that if you ever need to talk just shoot me a text or an email. This means that the person has opened the door for you and all you have to do is walk in. If you ask for their help and for some odd reason they turn you down, it can be hurtful but you’re not at fault. This just shows set the person’s morals and values aren’t that good. You probably wouldn’t trust them with anything or be very hesitant to ask them for help again.

Wrap Up

Sometimes asking for help can be scary because you don’t know what the other person is going to say. They may refuse to help you or they don’t know how to help you. You can ask for help and still be independent and build character. There are things in life you want to work smart at and not hard at. There is no shame and ask for help at all. You don’t have to learn everything in life on your own. Learning to ask for someone else’s help can help build your self-esteem and confidence. You see that there are kind and helpful people in our world. If you need help, you need help. There is nothing wrong with that. Real family and true friends will offer to help you when you need it. At some point in your life, the tables will turn. Someone will ask you for your help with something and when that time comes, will you help them? Take care of yourselves and remember you’re not alone and you have worth in this world.

Want to Learn How to be Brave? Empower Yourself

Surround yourself with people who empower you to become better

I’m back, hope everyone is doing all right during this pandemic. I know some states are slowly reopening businesses. I also know some states got their stay-at-home orders extended. Just hang in there; we will all get through this and my hope is that we will all learn something that will help us all be a better person having gone through this.

Anyway, have you had trouble trying to summon the courage to do or say something to someone? Have you felt powerless against overwhelming odds? Have you felt weak mentally? Did unwanted anxiety and unnecessary stress bring you down? If you said yes to any of these questions, read further. At some point in our lives, we get knocked down and we feel weak, hey maybe even powerless. There are some things or people we encounter that scare us or make us feel intimidated. Don’t let those things stop you in your tracks. Your not alone, I, my friends, family, and so many others have felt this way.

Feeling Scared

Fear is another emotion that we have all felt at some point in our lives. We felt it when we wanted to ask our crush out on a date. We felt it when we had to give a presentation in front of class or our co-workers. Hey we even felt it when proposed to the love of our life. There are so many things that could happen where we experience fear. It can hinder our growth to where we get stuck in a rut. It can make us miss opportunities that could enrich our lives.

Feeling Powerless

Fear is one thing, feeling powerless is different. I’m sure at one point you felt weak and a list of things you had to do for the day or week just seem overwhelming and impossible to do. Been there done that myself. Some of us are running off of very little energy and running on fumes. There are people out there who make us feel powerless to stand up to. We don’t have the motivation to do anything, even things that we enjoy.

With all that said, if you are struggling to deal with your fears and empower yourself, here are some ways you can start to make changes in your life where you feel empowered and braver:

Positive Self-Talk

Negative self-talk is one of the things that makes us feel fatigue and scared about various things in our life. It saps away our energy. So instead of saying ‘I can’t do this, I will fail’, try saying ‘I have the ability to do this and I will succeed’. Words of encouragement can help to change your mood as well as your mindset. This can take some time before it can become a habit. Be patient with yourself and keep trying. Positive affirmations goes a long way in helping you to feel better. If you have to repeat them on a daily basis then so be it; if it’s helping you, keep doing that.

Controlled Fear

At one point, we get the idea in our head that if we eliminate our fear we will be brave. Actually courage comes from not the absence of fear, but fear controlled. Being able to take action in the presence of fear is what counts. The fear isn’t gone it’s still there, but your not allowing it to dictate your actions or words. Your keeping it in check. Your taking control of your life.

Have Hope

If you’re going into something and you’re afraid it won’t work out, don’t give up hope. If your struggling, believe that something good is going to happen. Most things you want in life will require effort and motivation. You’ll have to work for it and fight for it, but don’t loss hope. The tiniest bit of hope can shine through and come to be. I speak from experience.

Build Up Self-Appreciation

You have to appreciate who you are because there is only one of you in this world. Appreciate your flaws, your goofiness, being able to see the best in everyone, trying to understand other people’s viewpoints, your ability to make the best out of any situation, etc. Once you start appreciating who you are, you then begin to feel a sense of power that helps you to do things you didn’t think you could do or things that were once hard are now easy to you.

Here is short video that talks about empowering yourself with motivation and inspiration. When it comes to empowering oneself, I always found that using ‘I’ statements to be really helpful. This video shows what I call positive ‘I’ statements.

Wrap Up

I’ve mentioned it before, you’re not perfect and that’s fine. No one is perfect. Be kind to others as well as yourself. A good posture also helps build confidence. A firm handshake, letting go of unnecessary baggage, a great support system of friends and family all help you feel more empowered. Like I said, the fear is always going to be there but the more empowered you feel, the more you’re able to keep the fear in check and rise above it. Don’t be afraid to say no to things if you believe they’re going to take away your inner peace. Speak with a conviction; it shows confidence and how sure you are of yourself. Next time you are faced with something that is scaring you, think about your history with past fears. You got over them and were they as scary as you thought they were?

Being Alone Can Be Good For You…What?

So the premise of my site is to show that whatever your dealing with, your not the only one dealing with it and you can change things and get through the tough times.  We think different things when we hear the word ‘alone’.  We get scared because we don’t want to be alone.  We may think that person over there is a loner, we feel sad, depressed, we feel sorry for those who are alone in this world.  Well being alone isn’t all bad, it actually can be good for you.

If you have felt alone in the world, thinking no one would understand what your going through, well your not the only one who has thought that.  I have thought that as well as so many other people.  If your someone who doesn’t like to interact with a large group of people (friends and family even) or gets nervous around a crowd of strangers, that’s ok, you may be an introvert.  This is someone who may be shy and is more inward focused on their thoughts and feelings.

Being alone can be good for you both emotionally and mentally.  Here are some of the benefits:

1. Become More Self Aware
If your not around people, you tend to have more time with your thoughts.  You can use this opportunity to think and reflect about things that you just dealt with, things that have been on your mind and want to figure out.  It’s also a good opportunity to figure out how you process information, how you deal with things, and how you feel about various situations in your life.  Use alone time to get to know yourself better.

2. Need a Break From the World
The world we live in has mostly become a fast paced one.  There are times when we have trouble keeping up with it.  We get the idea in our head that if we fall behind and don’t stay current on what’s happening, were not as good as the other people who do stay current with all that.  Well first off, I doubt the majority of people who claim to stay up to date with everything don’t.  If you need a break, take a break, it definitely won’t kill you.  We all need a break from everything that is going on in our lives to recharge and rejuvenate ourselves.  We need time away from people, the TV, our phones, our computers, iPads, etc to collect and get reacquainted with ourselves.

3. Being Alone Can Spark Creativity and Boost Your Confidence
Being alone can be hit or miss depending on your attitude and sometimes your personality.  You can become more aware of how you think and how you act by being alone with yourself.  Learning how you think and process information can spark your creativity.  You then begin to develop creative solutions on how to solve things.  As your creativity continues to increase, your confidence will go up as well.  You begin to like how you solve things and start thinking that you can solve anything that comes your way.  When your confidence goes up, you start to like yourself more.

4.  You Learn to Not Rely Heavily on Others
It’s great to have people who cheer you up and bring a smile to your face.  It’s another thing to be heavily dependent on them for all of your joy and entertainment.  These people may not always be able to help you every minute of everyday.  One thing that is helpful is to create your own joy.  You would think that making ourselves happy is easy because we know ourselves better than others; well not always.  Sometimes people can see the troubles you’re dealing with better than you because they are looking from the outside.  What can help is learning what really brings us joy no matter what is going on in our lives.  Something that really takes us out of our mind and gets our full attention.  You probably know this better than anyone else, but I’m sure some people close to you know it as well.  Learning this concept can be helpful for you for when you are by yourself since you will be able to create your own joy at anytime.

5.  Plan Things Out
Time away from others can be a good time to plan and sort things out.  If you have set some goals for yourself, plan out how you want to accomplish them.  Some people think more clearly when they have time to themselves than being around a crowd of people.  Everyone has a place where they do all their best thinking.  If you know what it is great, if not you have a spot even if you don’t know it.  You can plan things out the way you want and what works best for you.  If you operate better alone than in a group, that’s fine.  You have the power to plan out your life; sometimes we forget that.  You can plan things out the way you want and you don’t have to be concerned about making others happy about it.

Now I want to throw this out there because some of you may have already thought of this; there is a difference between being alone and being lonely.  This video will help to put that in a better perspective since it’s easy to think both words mean the same thing.  I know I used to think they were the same thing.

Now I’m not suggesting that you don’t go meet new people and cut off your friends and family.  I just want to inform you that you can be happy being by yourself just as much as being with your friends and family.  There are times where we are just by ourselves and we should make the best of it.  We have those opportunities to get to know ourselves better, get reacquainted with our thoughts and emotions, and learn new things about ourselves that will not only enrich our lives, but the lives of those we know, care, and love.

Afraid to Try Something New…Been There Done That

You ever feel like your in a rut and there are times where you can’t get out and are just stuck.  I have been there before myself quite a few times in my life.  Then I decided to try something I haven’t done before which was a bit scary.  Found out that one new thing was very fulfilling and just what I needed.  Trying that one new thing was helpful even though it was scary.

As we grow up, we learn things that help shape us into who we want to be.  Not all things however, we encounter are helpful to us.  Some of those things help us figure out what isn’t good for us.  In time we develop our comfort zone which gives us stability.  Our comfort zone is where we turn to during rough times and for fun times.  That sounds good right?  Well our comfort zone can stop us from spreading our wings and our growth. By staying in our comfort zone, we don’t learn new things, develop new skills, meet new people, and we can miss out on great things that can enrich our lives.

‘Get out of your comfort zone’ is something we have heard at some point in our life or a version of it.  Easier said that done for some people.  I have been working on this for quite some time in my life.  Some people when they hear this may think that they need to stop being quiet and shy and talk to everyone they meet, go to places that everyone is going to even if they don’t have interest in them, like a new club that just opened up. When some says to get out or move out of your comfort zone, it means to try something new.  That means one new thing, not a dozen of them.  Some people don’t have the time to try a lot of new things in one day for example.

Branching out and trying something new is a step to move out of your comfort zone.  That new thing doesn’t have to be something extreme, it can be simple.  I like to think of the concept in the form of a tree.  The tree and the leaves at the top is who we are (our morals, values, personality).  You could also say that the tree is also our comfort zone. The branches are our skills, abilities, knowledge, and what we like.  The number of branches on the tree varies from each individual.  One person can have 15 branches, someone else could have 10, another one could have 30.  The number of branches increases whenever we try new things.  Getting out of our comfort zone allows us to grow and expand and that is what a tree does when it grows new branches.

Tree talk aside, getting out of our comfort zone and trying new things can be scary because you don’t what what is going to happen.  We all have a fear of the unknown. Pushing past it is where the growth begins.  Here are some ways to help push past that fear and grow:

1. One Day- One New Thing

If your trying to move out of your comfort zone, don’t over do it on the first attempt. During the day, try one new simple thing.  Try a new food, go to a store or restaurant that you haven’t been to before, walk or drive somewhere you haven’t been to before, or try a new sport.  These are a handful of things that you can start off with.  Also remember to be patient with yourself; find and stay at your own pace.  Say you try one new thing a day, or one thing a week, or a month.  Be realistic and find what works for you.

2. Remember the Feeling

When trying something new, the fear can be present, (may not be there for everyone). When pushing past that fear, one can get caught up in the transition of passing through it as well as the feeling of the new thing itself that they forget how they handled it.  When going through that transition, remember how your handling it and what your feeling. Are you tightening your muscles, are you talking to yourself, are you holding your head up high, are you taking deep breaths?  People use different techniques to push past that fear and what’s important is remembering what worked and what didn’t.  You can use that technique or techniques the next time you try something new which in time will decrease the fear.

3. Try Something New with Someone

Getting out of your comfort zone can be scary to do alone.  Ask someone to try the new thing with you or have them there for support.  A good friend, family member, or a co-worker are some options.  The experience can be less scary with one person or a group of people with you.

4. Figure Yourself Out

I mentioned you have to figure out your own pace and what works for you.  In a previous post, I talked about how what works for some people may not work for you and to not compare yourself to others.  Getting out of your comfort zone is a process, not something achieved overnight especially for people who have stayed in their comfort zones for a long period of time.  If you try something new, give it an honest effort, and find out that it isn’t for you don’t get discouraged and think well ‘I’m not growing or expanding and I’m back to square one’.  Actually your realizing what isn’t for you and that’s all right.  Your not in the dark about that thing anymore and you have clarity which is a sense of relief.  You tried something new, it didn’t work out, yet you still stepped out of your comfort zone which is still a step up.  Just try something else.

5. Satisfaction Comes Out of it

Getting out of your comfort zone comes with satisfaction and adds another branch to your tree.  The satisfaction helps you realize that you are capable of trying new things and are capable of doing more than what you thought you can or doing what you thought you couldn’t do.  For example, you try skydiving and you love it, but may not want to do it again.  That’s fine, you can say you tried it and/or you did it.  Maybe in the future, you try it again, but that’s up to you.  In the end, the satisfaction increases your confidence, your self-esteem, decreases and eliminates the fear.

When things become stagnant, trying something new helps you break that routine and shakes things up in your life.  You can set a goal on how many new things you want to try in whatever period of time you want.  Don’t let someone else’s life hinder, stop you, or get you discouraged.  Be happy with the progress you have made even if it’s small. Remember you get out of your comfort zone when you try something new even if it’s small every time.  You grow and expand your horizon of skills, knowledge, abilities, get rid of boredom, you may meet new people who become friends, you may even gain a new perspective in your life.  New experiences are scary, but they can be enriching.