Ever Feel Like you Didn’t Deserve to be Around Wonderful People?

Was there a time where you met someone and he or she was so much fun getting to know and being around? I’m sure there are several people like that in your life. As time went on however, as you got to know this person, did you begin to think differently about yourself? Did you start to believe that you weren’t good enough to be around? Did you think that you weren’t good enough to be their friend? Maybe you reached a point where you just stayed away from this person and avoided them.

Not Good Enough, but why?

‘Not good enough’ is a phrase we have said, read, thought of, or heard at some point in our lives. Your not alone if any of these things have ever been on your mind. This is something I battled with for quite some time recently. There are people with very big hearts who are funny, generous, humble, and kind to everyone they meet. There are people who gravitate toward them because they are such wonderful people to be around.

However, as I mentioned there are individuals who stay away from those kinds of people for various reasons. Maybe they don’t think there good enough to be in their presence. They may think they’ll say something to make that person feel bad.

These thoughts stem from our insecurities. I have mentioned flaws in the past; that we should accept them because that makes us unique and it’s easier to live our lives with them. Well our flaws can get the best of us at times and can make us think less of ourselves if we let them take control of the steering wheel.

We think things like, ‘I’m stupid for thinking that I was good enough’ or ‘No matter how hard I try, my best will never be good enough’. These are some thoughts I battled with for over a year. We compare our self-worth to those who we believe are better than us.

We may think that we we have things under control in our lives, but then when we see or interact with someone who is smiling, laughing, making jokes, and is overall all joyful, we can sometimes begin to look down on ourselves. We can start to think that our negative or less than positive vibe will bring down someone else’s positive and joyful vibe. If things get too bad, we even may just cheat ourselves out of a fun time and let the negative and toxic thinking take away all the good that there is or could be.

Insecurities Taking Control

If our insecurities get the better of us, toxic thoughts, lies, and all kinds if negative vibes can occur within us. These things can effect us not just mentally and emotionally, but also physically as well. The longer this goes on, the harder it can be to get out of this negative cycle.

Insecurities can affect the way we interact with everyone around us. We look at someone different than who they really are. We may think that everything in their life comes easy to them, they don’t don’t know what its like to feel down, and that they get everything handed to them on a silver platter.

Your insecurities can make it hard for you to love yourself. You don’t feel satisfied with everything you do. You second guess yourself with things you say or do. You think that you could have done better. Though we strive to do better, getting stuck in that mindset can cause us to loose touch with the present and ignore any progress or hard work we do or have done.

What Really May be Going on

Now at this point you think that this other person with a big heart is and is doing better than you. Well remember my post on wearing emotional masks? These people with big hearts could be wearing them. On the outside they look like everything is fine, but in the inside they’re not doing so good.

Your insecurities can give you a negative lense in seeing life. You may not see the reality of the situation. Things may not be as bad as you made them out to be.

If anything I have mentioned spoke true to you, here are some tips to not let your insecurities get the better of you:

  • Find what traits makes you unique and special than everyone else. Being different isn’t a bad thing.
  • Find what factors and traits you and the other person have in common
  • Listen to their words and don’t second guess them
  • Take care of yourself and respect your well being.
  • Treat yourself to something nice
  • Insecurities can create unrealistic expectations and facts. Find out, challenge, and pick apart those things to see if they really are true
  • REALLY really get to know the other person so if there are things repeated about themselves, you begin to realize that those things are really true
  • Learn to accept your flaws
  • Work through your insecurities and not let them control you and be patient with yourself
  • Learn to take what the other person says at face value. Not everyone is out to get you, wanting to deceive, lie, or manipulate you
  • Seek professional help or morale and emotional support from family and friends if things are too tough to handle alone

Wrap Up

Learning to love yourself sounds easy, but it can be one of the hardest things to learn and do in your life. It’s something that takes time and maybe your whole life. You may have to work through some tough things, but it’s worth it.

What I found is that you can reach a point where your insecurities aren’t controlling you, but your able to manage them better. You can work off of that foundation better until you reach a point where you are at peace with yourself. What is that point you may be wondering, I don’t know; only you know that. Everyone gets to that place differently and at different times.

Take care, stay safe, and remember your not alone and you have worth in this world.

Ever Heard of Toxic Positivity? It’s a Thing

Well here’s my first official post after being on hiatus for a little over 2 months. While on hiatus, there were some new things that I learned about. One of them is toxic positivity.

Now how could positivity be toxic? That’s what I thought at first, but then I looked more into it. Well it’s something that isn’t catastrophic and horrible, but it can be hurtful even in the long run.

What is Toxic Positivity?

That’s the definition of this topic. I’m sure at some point in our lives we were in a situation where we had to make it appear that we were happy and everything was all right where in reality that wasn’t the case. We had to hold back our tears, keep our frustrations in check, and even forget about our problems and struggles.

This goes back to my post on wearing emotional masks to keep up a positive yet fake appearance. Not expressing and letting out other emotions like anger, sadness, or fear for example, your burying those feelings and not being true to yourself. This may not always cause complications right away, but there can be some problems in the future.

Toxic positivity is a form of avoidance. A person can have those negative emotions and not want to acknowledge them maybe assuming that they’ll go away on their own. Acknowledging emotions shows that their present, but something you may not know is that you don’t have to fully embrace them in that moment. You can recognize it, but you can move past it immediately.

Situational Examples

If you’re dealing with something negative, some environments make it hard to express these emotions. When were at school, it’s hard to show sadness for example because some would say that you would be disrupting the class.

If your at work and working with kids and your angry with someone, you couldn’t yell or swear at the kids for no reason. You would have to bite your tongue or in an extreme case don’t go into work if you can’t control your emotions. Any kind of outbursts toward the kids, boss, or your co-workers wouldn’t be good.

If you were around people who let’s say you believed were doing better than you, it may make you feel uncomfortable to be around or associate with them. Your outward appearance says happiness, but on the inside you feel jealous.

Your not being true to yourself or your emotions.

Phrases

There are some phrases that we may have said to someone who was feeling down and it turns out that those words weren’t helping the person and we’re actually making things worse.

Here is a list of some of those phrases:

  • Just be happy
  • Only good vibes
  • You’ll get over it
  • Think happy thoughts
  • You’ll get through this
  • Stop being negative
  • See the good in everything
  • Never give up

Some of these phrases I have said to someone myself in an effort to try to help them; so your not alone if you have done this. Giving up on something should ONLY be done if it’s causing you any kind of physical, mental, or emotional harm to yourself or to other people.

Below is a chart of positivity and toxic positivity phrases:

Handling Toxic Positivity

So you may be asking yourself, ‘how can I be true to myself?’ or ‘how can I help someone in my life without giving them any kind of toxic positivity?’. Here are some ways in how to handle toxic positivity:

  • Don’t believe that you should ‘be happy’ all the time
  • Talk to someone who will ‘really’ listen to you
  • Your not a bad person if your not happy
  • Possibly look into therapy
  • It’s ok to feel whatever it is your feeling. Welcome all your feelings
  • Lend a listening ear to someone instead of advice
  • Acknowledging that someone feels bad and being around them may be all the support and comfort they need

Here is a chart of how to avoid toxic positivity:

Discussion

As I mentioned before, you’re not alone if you have said any of those phrases or done anything that will be considered toxic positivity. Some of those phrases we learn indirectly from other people or from what we read sometimes. Those phrases or other behaviors that resemble toxic positivity are mostly done with good intentions. Most people aren’t trying to make things worse for the other person. Sometimes those you care about like family members or close friends may just need a hug to start feeling better. They don’t need any tips or a lecture on their problems.

Wrap Up

Looking into this topic was an eye opener for me. Maybe it was an eye opener for you as well. Some of our personalities is about solving and fixing problems that we encounter; that could be our own or other peoples. We sometimes get in our head that we have to do something huge in order to fix something even if it’s simple and that it’s going to require a lot of work. That’s not always the case; sometimes we just have to take a step back and look at the overall problem and deconstruct it bit by bit.

It’s nice to be back and there will be more content coming. Thank you for your support I really appreciate it and remember your not alone and you have worth in this world.

Things About Wearing an Emotional Mask That You May Not Know

So this week, this is something that has been on my mind for quite some time. Lately we all have had to wear masks to protect ourselves from getting the coronavirus, but these aren’t the only masks we’re wearing.

We all wear an emotional mask at some point in our lives. If your wearing an emotional mask right now, let me just say that your not the only one who is. The person sitting next to you might be wearing one. The individual who you see at the other end of the room could be wearing one. Your best friend you have known for a long time might have worn one at some point in their life and maybe still does. Even your parents wear them every now and then or even right now. We wear these masks because we don’t want the world and the people in our lives to see us for who we really are.

Emotional Masks are a Thing

These kind of masks are not visible like the face masks people are wearing these days. People wear these kind of masks to hide their real emotions, intentions, secrets, morals, and values from the people around them even those close to them. Emotional masks are worn at school, work, when we’re with friends, church, at home, social events, and even when we are with our spouse, partner, boyfriend, and girlfriend.

Fatigue From Wearing Emotional Masks?

Yes, this can happen when you wear an emotional mask for an extended period of time. Your trying to hide your real emotions from others and these emotions can be heavy and strong. This would require you to use a lot of mental energy to keep them at bay. The longer the time period, the more energy you use.

For me, I felt tired not long after I got off of work and didn’t have much energy to do anything. When I took my mask off it felt relieving, but I ended up falling asleep and taking long naps. If you ever wondered why you were feeling tired or exhausted lately, it could be because your mask is still on or your leaving it on for too long.

What Wearing an Emotional Mask Can do to You

You may feel like your about to fall apart trying to get school work in order or crack under the pressure you have been under from work, so you wear an emotional mask to make it seem like you are doing wonderful and have everything under control. Your afraid people will look down on you, you may feel ashamed or guilty about something; overall you don’t want people to see you in a position where you don’t have things figured out or your life together.

For example, you may be getting ready to go to college and your scared. Yet, to your parents, family members, and friends you are excited and ready to begin a new chapter in your life. You don’t want them to know that you’re afraid, so you put on a fake smile and say things like ‘I’ll be all right’ or ‘I know what I’m going to major in college’.

Also by wearing an emotional mask you may end up putting up a wall which can keep people out from getting close to you. What I mean is if someone comes along and is struggling with things in their life, they may feel intimidated by someone who appears to have everything together where in reality they don’t; they’re in the same position as the other person. You could say why wouldn’t the struggling person go to the person who is doing all right and ask for advice to better their life? In some cases they do, but sometimes they don’t. The struggling person can get an idea in their mind that this person who is doing all right doesn’t want to be bothered by them. The negative thinking can make them think that they’ll bring this other person down and cause them problems.

Sometimes putting on an emotional mask to cover your struggles can cause people to not open up to you and be vulnerable. It could also make you not approachable. This doesn’t always happen, but it does. The way people are dealing with their struggles is linked to their self-worth and self-esteem which I have talked about in terms of what could happen if they are both low.

Here are some ways you can take off the emotional mask if your afraid too and how that can be relieving:

  • Prepare and be courageous
  • Be patient with yourself
  • Know who you are and accept yourself
  • Be aware of the process
  • Love yourself
  • Breathe a sigh of relief
  • Forgive yourself
  • Build new and closer connections with people
  • See things in a new perspective

Discussion

If you want to take off your mask, you first have to want to take it off. You have internal conflicts going on and heavy emotions present. If you have been wearing an emotional mask for an extended period of time, it can take longer to remove it. Gather your courage and remind yourself how much better you will feel by not wearing a mask all the time. Accepting who you are and your flaws can make things easier because you don’t feel the need to hide from people. This can help you love yourself and see your uniqueness in the world.

Forgive yourself of any mistakes you have made. You won’t feel ashamed and/or guilty and the need to hide behind a mask will disappear. Taking off that emotional mask can lower and eliminate that wall you put up. You begin to let people in and show your vulnerability which can lead others to do the same and they feel better about themselves. Be aware of the emotions that are present as you begin to remove your mask. If you take it off bit by bit, pay attention to yourself. Recognize how you feel when you aren’t wearing a mask. It should feel relieving. If it isn’t, you may be rushing things. Be patient with yourself and don’t rush the process. Also don’t forget to breathe a sigh of relief and savior the moments as you begin to remove your mask.

Wrap Up

Removing an emotional mask can help you see the world in a new perspective. You can start seeing people for who they really and look at things differently than you did before. You can see things and people more clearly. Use positive affirmations to help motivate you and keep the voices of anxiety and negative toxic thoughts out of your head. The overall moral is that removing an emotional mask is one of the toughest things a person can do in their life. So hang in there and don’t give up or doubt yourself; you can do it. I learned recently that vulnerability leads to intimacy. By removing your emotional mask and becoming vulnerable, you may inspire those around you to do the same. That can help them open up about their repressed emotions and you may find out that they’re dealing with the same problems and struggles you are. Take care and remember you’re not alone and you have worth in this world.