Video Discussion: Prisoner of Your Past

Hi everyone, for this video discussion I thought I’d try something a bit different. Instead of watching and hearing someone explain the topic, I thought that it would be nice to try some reflection and then do the discussion.

The video has just a quote and some background music. You can reloop the video for the music if it makes it easier for you to think. If you want to use other music, go ahead.

Now that you have reflected on the quote, how do you feel? Does this quote hit home for you? Do you know someone who is a prisoner of their past? Were you once a prisoner of your past mistakes?

Prisoners of Our Past Why?

It’s not always easy to break free from our past. Sometimes people don’t know that they’re living their daily lives, though in the present, the mindset is in the past.

Mistakes, wrong choices, setbacks, not forgiving others, or not forgiving onself are some reasons why people are prisoners of their past. People can be smart, kind, and wise, but things change when something bad happens to them whether it’s by someone else, something else, or by their own free will. Now people will go through the storm and come out of it. However that’s not always the end of the story.

During that storm, people sometimes bury or try to bury something bad that happened to them that they don’t want anyone else to know. They are told to toughen up, smile, or act like it never happened and move on. Yet they deal with various emotions like regret, guilt, jealously, unwanted stress, or sadness. In some cases, people will succumb to depression or other bad habits and sometimes not realize it like unhealthy eating or drugs.

Other cases though, people will not want to forgive someone else who did them wrong. This can keep them stuck in that past hurt. Someone who hurt a family member, a friend, or someone close to them can be stuck in that past hurt because they are unable to forgive themselves.

Forgiveness can be Freedom

One way to help break free from being a prisoner of your past is forgiveness. I have talked about forgiveness before and forgiving yourself of past mistakes is the first step toward healing and truly moving forward. You acknowledge your mistakes, you see them as life lessons in which you learn from, and you free yourself from your prison.

Forgiving others is different. We are directly or indirectly taught that we shouldn’t forgive others who did us wrong. We wind up holding a grudge which can affect and change our way of living and thinking in ways that can be unhealthy. Remember forgiving someone doesn’t mean that your justifying or exonerating what they did to you, it means that your not going to be hindered by that hurt any longer. Your not going to let that hurt dictate every decision you make. Your not going to let that other person or people have power over you anymore. You accept and acknowledge what happened, you forgive the other person, and then you truly move on.

Both scenarios show that forgiveness toward yourself and toward others is the first step toward healing, fixing things, making things better in your life, and maybe in other people’s lives as well.

Wrap Up

Being a prisoner of your past happens to even good people. Some know it and some don’t. Your not alone if you felt this way or are currently feeling this way. There are people all over the world who are prisoners of their past. Maybe the waiter who served you last week is a prisoner of his past. Maybe that server at Starbucks, the person right beside you, the person who is always happy, or your closest friend who is like a sibling to you are prisoners of their past.

You can break free from this. It will take some time and effort, but you can take the first step and start making and living a better life you deserve. You are worthy of love, respect, kindness, and peace of mind.

Reflecting on life can be scary, but it can be beneficial and enriching. I hope that when you reflected earlier when watching the video, you realized some things that you need in your life and/or no longer need in your life.

Take care, stay safe and remember your not alone and you have worth in this world.

Learning to Forgive Others, but Also Yourself

You ever been upset with someone and you swore that you would never forgive them? Did you do something to someone that upset them and you didn’t forgive yourself even though they forgave you? Well the other person may not have forgiven you, but the point is that you still didn’t forgive yourself. If you said yes to any of these questions, well once again you’re not alone.

What is Forgiveness

Forgiveness is one of those things that people struggle with because it means that you are releasing feelings of vengeance and resentment toward a person or a group of people who harmed you or did some kind of wrong to you. You probably have been in a position where you didn’t want to forgive someone because you thought it meant that whatever they did to wrong you, you were letting them off the hook. You thought you had to get back at them for there to be ‘justice’. In my post about saying no to revenge, I mentioned that best kind of revenge is no revenge. Forgiveness was one of the last tips I mentioned that can help you to move forward from that bad thing. Forgiving someone is one thing, but forgiving yourself is a different one.

Forgiving Yourself Can Be Tough

Ever heard the phrase, ‘forgive, but don’t forget’? That doesn’t just apply to other people, it also applies to yourself. If you wronged someone, yes you and the other person don’t forget it, but have you forgiven yourself? Forgiving yourself I personally found to be harder than forgiving the other person. This true for a number of people. Depending on how bad you wronged someone, you can have quite a bit of trouble forgiving yourself. You may cheat yourself out of doing something fun like hanging out with old friends you haven’t seen since high school. You may not want to eat because you feel like you don’t deserve food. You may isolate yourself from other people because you feel like you don’t deserve to be around people. If you’ve hurt someone, you may not want to be around them, so you may distance yourself from them. The reason for this may be because your afraid you’ll hurt them again whether it’s through your actions or words. Even if the other person forgives you for what you did, you may still not forgive yourself.

If you have struggled with forgiving others as well as yourself, here are some ways that can help:

1. Move On and Forgive The Other Person

If you were wronged by someone, forgive them even if they don’t forgive you. Easier said than done I know. What the reality is that your forgiving them so that you can move on with your life and not be hindered, influenced, or controlled by the other person’s words or actions. Remember, you have the final saying in your life, not someone else. They can’t make you feel bad without your consent.

2. Understand Yourself

If you wronged someone, apologize to them yes, but also look into why you wronged to begin with. Your don’t always notice your behavior, but others notice it. Understand what feelings are taking place. Allow yourself to feel what your feeling. If you don’t like those feelings, you can change them. Try putting yourself in their shoes and see how you feel if you were mistreated or wronged by someone. Treat others the way you want to be treated.

3. Forgiveness Helps Your Overall Health

Forgiveness is connected with your mental and physical health. Physically, forgiveness can lower your blood pressure and heart rate. Your sleep quality improves and fatigue is reduced. If you hold a grudge, your using up quite a bit of energy which can be fueled by anger, resentment, or jealousy for example. Mentally and emotionally speaking, forgiveness can be relieving and you can free yourself from feelings of depression and hostility and lower your anxiety. You can relieve yourself from feeling bitter toward the other person. There is a certain kind of heaviness that comes with not forgiving someone (the grudge is they heavy feeling). This kind of heaviness can be draining and I can speak from experience.

4. Let the Healing Process Begin

You want to move on from whatever it was that hurt you? Well forgiving someone allows the process of healing to begin. If you want to move forward and leave the past in the past, you need to allow yourself to heal. You are worthy of being healed. Don’t let anyone tell you that your not. One thing to keep in mind, the healing process can’t be rush. The healing process can take long or it can be short. It all depends on how bad you were hurt and how wronged you were. If there was more than one person involved who hurt you, the healing process can take longer. Take each day one at a time. Remember baby steps are good.

Here is a video that describes in depth about how forgiveness is freedom. Sara Montana is a writer and editor who talks about her journey of forgiveness and how it can be tricky. I would suggest that you keep and open mind and watch the whole video.

Final Thoughts and Sum Up

Forgiveness can be tough to do, but it’s the best kind of revenge and it’s one of life’s great lessons. We free ourselves from the victim mentality that comes with being hurt and wronged. You can begin to be at peace and most importantly you are not giving someone else authority over your mind and heart.

Hurt by Someone You Cared About? Yeah I Know the Feeling

Our parents are the first people who care for us when we are born. As we grow up we start to care for other people. Some of those people become friends. At some point we meet someone who we really care about and sometimes that develops into a romantic relationship which can turn into a marriage. At any point, these people we care for can hurt us. They hurt us because maybe we hurt them first, they hurt us because they misunderstood something or took something the wrong way, but they can hurt us for no reason. Whatever the reason or no reason, the feeling of being hurt by them can stick with us and it doesn’t feel good.

We all have feelings that can be hurt. Our friends, relatives, siblings, parents, spouse, girlfriend, boyfriend, boss, landlord, even teachers can all hurt our feelings. Let’s be real, none of us like to have our feelings hurt by anyone. If we don’t like to have our feelings hurt, we shouldn’t hurt others peoples feelings. When it comes to the people we care about and have more of a connection with, our feelings can take a bigger hit if these people hurt us. These people are the ones we have invested more time in and let them in on personal information about us. As we get to know them, their opinions about us matter more. Their overall opinions on anything become more important to us. Were willing to listen to what they have to say, even if it’s something we don’t 100% agree with.

When we get hurt by someone, it can take time for us to get over it. The more we cared about the other person, the worse the pain will feel. I can speak from experience from the past and from a few months ago. Your not alone when it comes to being hurt by someone you really cared about. The pain can cause us to doubt ourselves. We can begin to think we can’t do anything, we screw up everything we do, and we don’t deserve to have good people in our lives. The feeling of being hurt can get to a point where we start questioning the people we are friends with, family members, and have strong connections with. Another thing that can happen is that we can go into self preservation mode. We put up walls and keep people at arms length. We may even isolate ourselves from the world and cheat ourselves out of the things that we enjoy doing. I have found that one of the reasons we do these things is because we don’t want to get hurt again. So our minds sometimes can into survival mode (our minds put out energy into making sure we stay sane) because it interpreted the feeling of being hurt as an attack on our well being.

Here are some ways to help you get over the hurt and to help you move forward:

1. Don’t Seek Revenge

One of the things we may want to do after we have gotten hurt by someone is to hurt them back. The feeling of wanting to do it feels good and you believe that you’ll feel even better after you get back at the other person. Don’t let the anger get the best of you. Be the bigger person and accept what has happened. You can’t go back and change it, its already happened. Your best bet is to move forward. If you get back and hurt the other person, you’ll feel good briefly, but then the guilt and remorse can come in and you’ll feel worse and than what you were.

2. Seek Emotional Support

I mentioned that it may be hard to be around others because you don’t want to get hurt by anyone else, but there are those specific people who you know will be there for you in your time of need no matter what. You know these people will be there for you for comfort. Are these people your parents? A trusted relative? A friend who’s like a brother or sister to you? A childhood friend? Only you know. Seek them out and talk to them, even if you just need to vent.

3. Forgive the Person

One of the hardest things to do is to forgive people especially those who have hurt us. Forgiveness helps us to move forward and not develop and hold grudges towards other people. As tough as it is, we have to forgive the person or people who hurt us. Forgiveness is about not letting the feeling of being hurt control you. You may not get an apology from the other person. If you do, great. If you don’t get an apology, one don’t let that make you feel inferior or that your not worth an apology. Second not getting that apology can tell you about who that other person really is.

4. Do Things You Find Enjoyable

You sometimes need time to process the hurt. I believe that your mind and maybe your subconscious is at work processing the hurt. While it does that, it doesn’t help to dwell on it. Instead do something you like to do. Get immersed in something that you have so much fun doing that you don’t even get a chance to think about the hurt your feeling. This a great way to distract yourself for the time being.

5. Distance Yourself

You may need to distance yourself from this person or people in order to move on. Delete them on social media, get rid of their phone number, get rid of photos, trinkets, or other reminders of that person if the hurt is real bad, change shifts so that your not working with them, and in some extreme cases change classes you have with them, change jobs, if your in on a team with them, leave the team if it hurts you way too much to be around them.

Be grateful for the people you do have in your life. These people have been kind to you, given you compliments, and helped you. It’s also important to bring yourself back to the present. When we have been hurt, we tend to live in the past and relive the hurt over and over maybe hoping for a different outcome. One of the things we have to do is let the negative emotions flow. It’s ok to be sad, so we have to allow ourselves to feel those negative emotions so we can move on. We just can’t dwell on them. Take care of yourself above all else. Be patient and gentle with yourself.