The Friends You Can Confide In

Vulnerability, honesty, and trust. Do these words come to mind when you think of your closest friends? Are you able to confide in them about deep and personal things?

Different Types of Friends

So some of you may already know that there are various kinds of friends out there. You have your athletic friends, those who like to party, those who are good listeners, some who are reserved but easy to get along with, and so on. If this sounds like people you know, your not alone. Every person out there has a variety of friends.

Your allowed to have a variety of friends. Whether your a big social person or someone who is more laid back, having different kinds of friends enriches your life. As I’ve mentioned before, having moral support from friends is just as good as having moral support from family.

Confiding in Others

You have friends who you can laugh and have a fun time with, but you can confide in them if you are troubled. Easy right; well not always. Maybe the reality of your situation is that you have dozens of friends who you get along with, but only a few of them are ones you can talk deep stuff with. You may think you are being a burden to them by dumping you troubles onto them especially if you’ve done it before. You may think your damaging the friendship and that eventually you’ll loose them. If you have thought this way before, your not alone. I’ve been there myself.

As I mentioned you may have a variety of friends who you can talk sports with but not books. Then you have people who you can talk urban legends and unexplained events with, but not video games.

Some people only have that one friend who they can go to no matter what happens and have a deep talk, a rant, and even a good cry. This is what I meant about vulnerability, trust, and honesty. These three traits are precious. Not every person can open up, some have trust issues, and some just don’t know how to tell the truth.

There is a deep connection and understanding between people who are vulnerable to one another. You really get to know someone in how they think, how they handle their emotions, and how they view life. They provide you comfort when you feel fragile, confused, hurt, and broken. Sometimes they give you words of encouragement, a hug, a shoulder to cry on, even a listening ear for you to vent. Sounds like I’m repeating myself a bit, but these kind of people will really do these things for you. In reality, these kind of friends are easier to go to and confide in than our own parents. In my opinion, this shouldn’t be a thing, but it is.

Wrap Up

The close friends you can confide in shouldn’t be taken for granted. Some of the worst and toughest moments of your life are made a bit easier to deal with these kind of friends. If you have these kind of friends in your life, you should consider yourself grateful. Your not alone in this world; these kind of friends will remind you of that. Take care, stay safe, and remember your not alone and you have worth in this world.

You Can Learn to Smile Again

Everybody needs someone who can make them laugh when they think they’ll never smile again.

One of the things we do a lot when we’re a baby is smile. As we grow up, we begin smile just to smile. As we get even older, we also smile for different reasons. Those reasons include meeting new people, going on trips, playing video games, trying new foods, spending time with our children, parents, spouse, boyfriend, girlfriend, watching a new movie, getting a gift, spending time in nature etc. There are so many reasons for us to smile. However, different things will happen to us that will cause us to frown and be sad. Those things can be so tough to deal with that as time goes on we forget how to smile. Even after the dark clouds pass, we still may not still be smiling even if good things are happening to and around us.

Why Am I Having Trouble Smiling?

You would think that smiling is something that all of us can do with no effort right? Well unfortunately that’s not the case. We get hurt by different people in our lives. Could a spouse, boyfriend, girlfriend, co-worker, student, friends, etc. If your having trouble smiling after something bad that happened to you, your most definitely not alone. There are so many people who are in the same predicament. I myself have been in that spot numerous times. I bet there are people in your life who are having trouble smiling after something bad happened to them as well. Even embarrassment and humiliation can make us frown especially if it’s from friends and family. The hurt can be sudden and long lasting to different degrees. The more people who are involved in hurting you, the worse you can feel. Some people will hurt you without a reason which, in my opinion, is worse than knowing the reason. The closer you are to someone, the hurt is worse because you developed a strong bond with them and you trusted them. You may have told this person or people some personal things about you that you wouldn’t have told anyone else; maybe not even your parents.

Going through this kind of emotional pain can stop us from smiling. The pain of losing a pet or someone can stop you from smiling too. It’s ok to be sad during these times. Sadness is not a sign of weakness. This emotion can help us grow as a person which can help us move forward and find happiness again. As I mentioned, after the dark clouds from the storm have passed, we may still find it hard to smile. We can still be grieving from the loss and the hurt which makes it hard to smile. Emotional pain from people we trust, we care for, we love, can stick around longer than getting hurt by someone we barely know or a stranger. Losing a pet we have had for years and helped us through tough times can be really tough to deal with. If you think you can’t bounce back from sadness to happiness in a day for example, that’s fine. Getting hurt by someone or someone passing away takes time to deal with. Afterwards, you may have forgotten how to smile. Don’t feel embarrassed if you have to re-teach yourself how to smile.

Here’s some ways to help you smile again if your having trouble and need to relearn how to:

  • Be around the right person or people
  • Watch something that will make you laugh
  • Do things you enjoy
  • Meditate
  • Pray
  • Read something inspirational
  • Laugh at yourself
  • Get get reacquainted with yourself

Discussion

Surround yourself with people who love and respect you. Kindness is a powerful trait people can give you. You can also give it to someone as well, remember that. These people will be there for you when you need them. I know a friend who makes me smile just by being herself. Her personality cheers me up. I’m sure there are people in your life who are like that.

Watching a movie, TV show, a video on the internet of something funny can cheer you up. Maybe it’s a funny scene from your favorite movie, a funny Tik Tok video, only you know. They say laughter is the best medicine. I’m sure there’s people in your life that can make you laugh. Another option would be to try laughing at yourself. I’m sure there’s things that you do the you can find the humor in. Maybe these things are something you do on a daily basis when you’re at work, school, or in public, with friends, family. Even if it’s something small, chuckling at yourself can help turn that frown upside down.

I’m sure you have a hobby and things you like to do with others or by yourself. Doing these things brings some kind of joy to you. I mentioned in a previous post that you should do what you can to create your own joy. If being around others isn’t an option, which is probably true due to the lockdown in quarantines in the world, do something you know you will like and bring you happiness no matter what is going on.

Meditation can help clear your mind and slow down your thoughts. A clear mind can help free you from unwanted stress that may have come from being hurt by someone or some other problem your having. Praying, for those of you who are religious and spiritual, can be helpful. Talking to God and praying for yourself and others you care about can help bring guidance, peace of mind, and clarity which can lead to happiness, which can lead to smiling again.

I have found reading inspirational quotes to be helpful in smiling again. Some of the quotes I have been reading have described different things and problems I have dealt with in the past and recently. They help me feel that I’m not alone and that I can get through my troubles and it’s ok to not have everything together. These quotes have helped me get reacquainted with myself. Slowing down and taking a break from things to spend time with yourself can help you figure out how you think about things, your likes and dislikes, your morals and values, the next path you should take in your life, clarity on the path you already are on, and who are your true friends in life. Figuring some things out about yourself can take unwanted stress, toxic thoughts, and lies away and help you smile.

Final Thoughts and Sum Up

It is possible to smile again after being hurt, losing someone, or going through a tough time in your life. If you’ve got good friends, family, good health, be grateful for that and that can help you smile again. I found spending time in nature and appreciating its beauty brings a smile to my face; maybe it could do the same for you. Try writing down your thoughts and see if that clears your mind and helps you smile. You would think that one simple gesture would be easy to do and yet it’s a real tough challenge for people to pull off.

Controlling The Things We Can’t Control…Nope

We have had times where we want to control everything in our life. We want to control our finances, the amount of schoolwork we get, how we want to spend every minute of our time, what we want to happen to us everyday, events in our life, and even the people in our lives, etc. Anything we think we can control, we can have a tendency to want to have complete control over it. It sounds nice to have all the things in our life under our full control so that we don’t have to worry about anything right? Well unfortunately that isn’t how life works.

We have heard of someone being a control freak, hey we may have been called that by someone at some point in our life. Trying to plan out exactly how a day, week, event, should play out minute by minute, hour by hour, isn’t realistic. Yes it’s good to plan things out so that there is structure, but life can step in and can throw curve balls in our direction which can throw things off and catch us off guard.

The unknown factor as I mentioned in a previous post can throw a wrench in our plans. The things we can’t ever plan for can happen at the wrong place and wrong time and we can’t do anything about them. Breaking up with someone, getting stuck in traffic, getting an extra homework assignment, going to the store and the thing you want is out of stock, your plans get cancelled by bad weather, your car breaks down, the bus runs late, getting fired from your job, something breaks, are only a small handful of things that happen in our lives and we can’t control when they happen.

Trying to control everything in our lives can take a huge toll on us. We can become bitter if the slightest thing is off in terms of time and how we wanted things to play out. We can push people away, demean and criticize our friends, family, and the people around us who we don’t know. Things don’t always go the way we plan which isn’t always our fault; life happens. The unknown factor comes in whenever it wants. It needs no permission from anyone and it can happen at anytime.

People can’t be controlled even though there are those who try to. People who dictate when, where, and who one should hangout with can result in an argument or worse. People have free will, they are free to say and do what they want. You will be met with resistance if you try to control everything about the other person. Feelings can be hurt, couples can break up and trust and reliability can be lost between parents, family, and friends. However, parents have to have some kind of control over their children. They have to learn good morals and values so that they can grow up and function in a healthy way. Teachers are another example; they have to keep their students in line so things don’t get out of hand.

So here are some tips to help relinquish the need to control everything and relax:

1. Learn to Trust Others

There will be things that you can’t control and they may be put another person’s hands. You have to rely on that person to follow through with whatever it is. It could be a school project, a presentation for your job, delivering something, driving you somewhere for example. Gaining trust is a process, hopefully the person you put your trust into is reliable. In the end, when you can put your trust in someone, you feel a sense of relief which helps to decrease the need to control everything. Like trust, this is a process that takes time.

2. Self-Talk

At some point in our lives we have talked to ourselves about various things in our lives. We talk ourselves into doing and trying something and not doing and trying something. By stopping and interrupting our thought process, we can better analyze and understand the way we act and what we say. After getting to this point, we can begin to figure out why we feel the need to control this situation. We can begin to talk ourselves out of feeling the need to be in control. We can then realize if the benefits for controlling the situation or whatever it is will be good for us or not. The idea is trying to see if the benefits will outweigh the consequences.

3. Challenge Your Need to Control

You may feel like if I don’t control everything in my life, things will be stressful and bad things will happen to me. Ok, if you think that this is the case, then challenge your need to control. Say you need to have something fixed, but you don’t trust anyone to help you or to do it for you. Yet, you don’t know what to do. Yes you could look up on the internet or read a book for information, but what if you can’t find the information you need? Well then you have two choices, try to fix it anyway and risk things not working out or getting worse or ask for help. Challenging yourself with scenarios that you can’t control because they are our of your hands can help you realize what you can and can’t do. It’s all a matter of being realistic and decreasing the need to control things.

4. Stay in the Present and Ground Yourself

Trying to control everything can cause us to develop tunnel vision and focus too much on the future. Thinking ahead is fine, so long as we don’t get carried away. Relax and enjoy life, no need to rush it. Take some deep breaths, look up at the sky, talk to someone, work with your wands, exercise, play a game, anything that will help you stay in the present and get you out of your mind. Practicing this takes time and can be a stress reliever.

5. Get Rid of the Fear

One thing about the need to control everything is that the core of it can be rooted in fear. As I said before, people feel the need to control everything because they are afraid bad things will happen if they don’t. That fear may not be real fear; it could be something made up from high levels of anxiety. However, if the fear is real, then you have to go back and figure out how that fear came to be. Once you figure that out, you will be more equipped to tackle that fear. Overtime that fear can go away when you realize that things weren’t as bad as you thought or they never got bad at all.

If your reading this and are someone who is religious or spiritual, you could give God or the universe your need to control everything. If your not, hopefully what I have mentioned can help you get rid of your inner control freak. Breathe, relax, let go, and live in the moment.