Gotta Look Forward, Not Back

You know you are on the right track when you become uninterested in looking back

With May being Mental Health Awareness Month and with the pandemic, our well-being is important to maintain. There may have been things that happened that maybe you didn’t handle right or you could have handled better. You probably said something you wished you didn’t say or wished you did say. I personally have been in these situations plenty of times. So now you know that your not the only person in the world who has been in this predicament. Yet what’s done is done and sometimes we can’t go back and fix it.

Why is Moving Forward Hard?

In a post from last month, I talked about how to move on from people. This time I want to talk about moving forward in general and not looking back. You can get stuck in a rut and not know how to get out, yet life still moves on. Moving forward and not looking back is easier said than done. You’ve probably had someone who has told you this one way or another. It can be tough because you may have had a falling out with a friend who hurt you or betrayed your trust. You broke up with your boyfriend or girlfriend, got divorced, got fired from your job, got a bad grade on a test, etc. So many awful and unfortunate things happen to us. We wish that we could go back in time and fix them, but we can’t. We get stuck replaying the event or events that took place wondering what went wrong. We try to make sense out of it when in fact sometimes we can’t. We can drive ourselves crazy to the point where we don’t eat, bathe, sleep, hydrate, or snap at other people.

We wish things could’ve been different, but we can’t cry over spilled milk. If we do, life can slip away from us and we don’t even realize how much time has passed. There are great things out in the world; sometimes we get so obsessed with a the bad things that we miss out on a trip to the zoo, a family cookout, your best friends birthday, hiking with friends, etc. You may even push away people who care about you that are trying to help you move on. You may feel like you want to be alone which I get because I wanted to be alone when something bad happened. It’s best not to forget the people who like you, love, and care for you because they may be hurting because you are hurting.

So if your stuck and having trouble moving forward and your life here is some ways that could help you:

Letting go of the past can help free you from the pain your feeling. Again easier said than done in some cases. You still have the chance to shape your future the way you want. Tomorrow is a new day to start over and make it whatever you want it to be. You can fill it with positive and joyful things. You may not think you can because you’re feeling down, but the reality is you can.

Living in gratitude can help you remember the good things you already have in your life. Think about the people in your life. Friends family, other students, co-workers, and acquaintances. You probably have a lot more people in your life who don’t give you any kind of trouble or argue with you on a daily, weekly, monthly basis. That’s something to be grateful of; the fact that you’re not fighting or arguing with everyone in your life everyday is a blessing. You can even think about the things you have. Do you have your own means of transportation? Do you have food and water to keep you fed and hydrated? Do you have a bed to sleep on? Do you have the option of wearing different clothes everyday? Do you have a phone and a computer? There are so many things (small things) we take for granted that are actually things we should be grateful for. There are people out there who don’t have any of these things and pray that they could have at least one of them. We’re surrounded by more good things that we are bad things; we just don’t always notice it.

Take ownership of your life. Remember you are in full control of your life. Don’t let those who put you in a negative state of mind dictate how you should behave. You may have to repeat positive affirmations and talk positively about yourself to remind yourself of the person you really are. You can get out of the rut; it may take time and effort, but you can do it.

Here is a video that talks about how to let go of the past and different ways then what I’ve described to move forward in your life and find peace within yourself.

Wrap Up

Moving forward in your life isn’t just moving forward from bad things that happened to you, it’s also making something of your life. If you feel like you can’t get past the hurt or that the rut you’re in is so deep that there is no hope, ask someone who was in the predicament you were in. They got out of it and moved on; so that should give you hope and can give you motivation to do so yourself. Even if you make a little bit of progress in a day, that’s still good. This shows that you’re moving forward even if it’s a slow pace. You got to find what pace works for you. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. As I mentioned before, your real friends and family will be there for you if you need support and comfort. Remember there is one person in your life who cares about you; you know who they are.

Moving on From People

If you ever feel like your no longer important to someone…then leave their life silently

We meet a lot of people in our life. There are those we meet and play with when we are children. There are those we meet and hangout with when we are teenagers. We meet more people when we get a job and go off to college, or just when we enter the real world in general. All these people we meet don’t always stick around. People go there separate ways; after elementary school, middle and high school, college, getting a new job, move away, pretty much as time goes on. Now there are people who you don’t want to leave your life, yet they do. This can be for various reasons. Then there are those people who hurt you and you have to move on from them in order to heal and move forward.

People and Friends Come and Go

I can tell you that your not alone if you have ever been in a situation where you have to move on from someone or had to say goodbye to them. I would say pretty much everyone in the world has been in this situation. If they say they haven’t, they’re probably lying. People don’t always stay in their hometown. People move to new places. There are people who they want to forget that they ever met, especially those who did them wrong.

With social media platforms like Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram for example, it’s easier to keep in touch with people. Yet there is a disconnect when you can’t hangout with these people in real life. The feeling isn’t exactly the same for some people, but not all.

Life happens; it’s the eternal river. People go there separate ways as I mentioned. Everyone is on a different path. The two or multiple paths can be the same. Yet there are forks in the road; you go on one path and the other person or people go the other way. Don’t let this get you down though, there are new people you will meet on the path your on.

Those Who Hurt You

Now there are those who hurt you and you want to put that behind you so you can move forward in your life. This can be difficult to do especially if you invested a lot of time and energy into getting to know them. You may have been in a long or short term friendship, relationship, or marriage with this person. If the person or people meant a lot to you, it can be hard to forget them.There are places where you remember having fun conversations with them, places where you made memories with them, and places where you both were open and vulnerable to each other. There are songs that remind you of this person or people which can be tough to listen to. The car they drive, favorite animal, color, movie, TV show, etc are reminders which can be tough to forget. These reminders can be called triggers which can be safe and unsafe. A safe trigger can be seeing or hearing something that reminds you of the person, but it doesn’t cause you to get stressed out and very anxious; you may feel a sting, but nothing severe. An unsafe trigger is pretty much the same thing, except you do get stressed out, very anxious, and sometimes can’t function correctly. You may experience difficulty breathing, light-headedness, and you may have trouble concentrating and focusing on things even simple ones.

Here are some ways to help you move on from people who have hurt you and those to go on a different path than yours:

Acceptance is one of the things that will help you move forward. If you have a friend who has moved away and are unable to go with them, you just have to accept it. Your financial situation may not allow you to move with them. You may be fine living in the country, the other person wants to live in a city or vice versa. Accepting the situation will help you move forward in your life instead of being stuck in a rut.

Delete or block them on your social media accounts. Delete them off of your Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, or SnapChat accounts. This way you’re not being reminded of them. You also have the option of returning things or throwing things away you were given by the other person. Delete or throw away photos of them if you need to. Severing ties with the other person can help you from getting hurt again.

Meeting new people can help you move forward and create new memories. They can help you to live in the present, not the past. The void you may be feeling, could be filled by a new person and new people.

Distance yourself physically and emotionally if you have to. Sometimes being by yourself can help you clear your mind and help you find inner peace with yourself. Try staying off the internet and social media.

Make sure severing ties is what you really want to do. You may be in a position where you’re in a relationship, friendship, or marriage that has become toxic for you and you are hurting. If you truly believe ending the relationship, friendship, or marriage is going to help you get better, not be held back, and heal then I would recommend you do that if any type of communication has failed to fix things.

Wrapping Up

As I said people come and go in your life. There are people who are only meant to be in your life for a short amount of time. They may be there to help you learn something whether it’s about yourself or a form of education and that’s it. Those who have hurt you can be tough to move forward from. It takes time and the process can’t be rushed especially if you invested a lot of or some of your time and energy into this person or people. So let me ask you something, is there someone or people in your life that you would feel much better letting go, not being held back by them, and start healing from?

You Can Learn to Smile Again

Everybody needs someone who can make them laugh when they think they’ll never smile again.

One of the things we do a lot when we’re a baby is smile. As we grow up, we begin smile just to smile. As we get even older, we also smile for different reasons. Those reasons include meeting new people, going on trips, playing video games, trying new foods, spending time with our children, parents, spouse, boyfriend, girlfriend, watching a new movie, getting a gift, spending time in nature etc. There are so many reasons for us to smile. However, different things will happen to us that will cause us to frown and be sad. Those things can be so tough to deal with that as time goes on we forget how to smile. Even after the dark clouds pass, we still may not still be smiling even if good things are happening to and around us.

Why Am I Having Trouble Smiling?

You would think that smiling is something that all of us can do with no effort right? Well unfortunately that’s not the case. We get hurt by different people in our lives. Could a spouse, boyfriend, girlfriend, co-worker, student, friends, etc. If your having trouble smiling after something bad that happened to you, your most definitely not alone. There are so many people who are in the same predicament. I myself have been in that spot numerous times. I bet there are people in your life who are having trouble smiling after something bad happened to them as well. Even embarrassment and humiliation can make us frown especially if it’s from friends and family. The hurt can be sudden and long lasting to different degrees. The more people who are involved in hurting you, the worse you can feel. Some people will hurt you without a reason which, in my opinion, is worse than knowing the reason. The closer you are to someone, the hurt is worse because you developed a strong bond with them and you trusted them. You may have told this person or people some personal things about you that you wouldn’t have told anyone else; maybe not even your parents.

Going through this kind of emotional pain can stop us from smiling. The pain of losing a pet or someone can stop you from smiling too. It’s ok to be sad during these times. Sadness is not a sign of weakness. This emotion can help us grow as a person which can help us move forward and find happiness again. As I mentioned, after the dark clouds from the storm have passed, we may still find it hard to smile. We can still be grieving from the loss and the hurt which makes it hard to smile. Emotional pain from people we trust, we care for, we love, can stick around longer than getting hurt by someone we barely know or a stranger. Losing a pet we have had for years and helped us through tough times can be really tough to deal with. If you think you can’t bounce back from sadness to happiness in a day for example, that’s fine. Getting hurt by someone or someone passing away takes time to deal with. Afterwards, you may have forgotten how to smile. Don’t feel embarrassed if you have to re-teach yourself how to smile.

Here’s some ways to help you smile again if your having trouble and need to relearn how to:

  • Be around the right person or people
  • Watch something that will make you laugh
  • Do things you enjoy
  • Meditate
  • Pray
  • Read something inspirational
  • Laugh at yourself
  • Get get reacquainted with yourself

Discussion

Surround yourself with people who love and respect you. Kindness is a powerful trait people can give you. You can also give it to someone as well, remember that. These people will be there for you when you need them. I know a friend who makes me smile just by being herself. Her personality cheers me up. I’m sure there are people in your life who are like that.

Watching a movie, TV show, a video on the internet of something funny can cheer you up. Maybe it’s a funny scene from your favorite movie, a funny Tik Tok video, only you know. They say laughter is the best medicine. I’m sure there’s people in your life that can make you laugh. Another option would be to try laughing at yourself. I’m sure there’s things that you do the you can find the humor in. Maybe these things are something you do on a daily basis when you’re at work, school, or in public, with friends, family. Even if it’s something small, chuckling at yourself can help turn that frown upside down.

I’m sure you have a hobby and things you like to do with others or by yourself. Doing these things brings some kind of joy to you. I mentioned in a previous post that you should do what you can to create your own joy. If being around others isn’t an option, which is probably true due to the lockdown in quarantines in the world, do something you know you will like and bring you happiness no matter what is going on.

Meditation can help clear your mind and slow down your thoughts. A clear mind can help free you from unwanted stress that may have come from being hurt by someone or some other problem your having. Praying, for those of you who are religious and spiritual, can be helpful. Talking to God and praying for yourself and others you care about can help bring guidance, peace of mind, and clarity which can lead to happiness, which can lead to smiling again.

I have found reading inspirational quotes to be helpful in smiling again. Some of the quotes I have been reading have described different things and problems I have dealt with in the past and recently. They help me feel that I’m not alone and that I can get through my troubles and it’s ok to not have everything together. These quotes have helped me get reacquainted with myself. Slowing down and taking a break from things to spend time with yourself can help you figure out how you think about things, your likes and dislikes, your morals and values, the next path you should take in your life, clarity on the path you already are on, and who are your true friends in life. Figuring some things out about yourself can take unwanted stress, toxic thoughts, and lies away and help you smile.

Final Thoughts and Sum Up

It is possible to smile again after being hurt, losing someone, or going through a tough time in your life. If you’ve got good friends, family, good health, be grateful for that and that can help you smile again. I found spending time in nature and appreciating its beauty brings a smile to my face; maybe it could do the same for you. Try writing down your thoughts and see if that clears your mind and helps you smile. You would think that one simple gesture would be easy to do and yet it’s a real tough challenge for people to pull off.

Learning to Forgive Others, but Also Yourself

You ever been upset with someone and you swore that you would never forgive them? Did you do something to someone that upset them and you didn’t forgive yourself even though they forgave you? Well the other person may not have forgiven you, but the point is that you still didn’t forgive yourself. If you said yes to any of these questions, well once again you’re not alone.

What is Forgiveness

Forgiveness is one of those things that people struggle with because it means that you are releasing feelings of vengeance and resentment toward a person or a group of people who harmed you or did some kind of wrong to you. You probably have been in a position where you didn’t want to forgive someone because you thought it meant that whatever they did to wrong you, you were letting them off the hook. You thought you had to get back at them for there to be ‘justice’. In my post about saying no to revenge, I mentioned that best kind of revenge is no revenge. Forgiveness was one of the last tips I mentioned that can help you to move forward from that bad thing. Forgiving someone is one thing, but forgiving yourself is a different one.

Forgiving Yourself Can Be Tough

Ever heard the phrase, ‘forgive, but don’t forget’? That doesn’t just apply to other people, it also applies to yourself. If you wronged someone, yes you and the other person don’t forget it, but have you forgiven yourself? Forgiving yourself I personally found to be harder than forgiving the other person. This true for a number of people. Depending on how bad you wronged someone, you can have quite a bit of trouble forgiving yourself. You may cheat yourself out of doing something fun like hanging out with old friends you haven’t seen since high school. You may not want to eat because you feel like you don’t deserve food. You may isolate yourself from other people because you feel like you don’t deserve to be around people. If you’ve hurt someone, you may not want to be around them, so you may distance yourself from them. The reason for this may be because your afraid you’ll hurt them again whether it’s through your actions or words. Even if the other person forgives you for what you did, you may still not forgive yourself.

If you have struggled with forgiving others as well as yourself, here are some ways that can help:

1. Move On and Forgive The Other Person

If you were wronged by someone, forgive them even if they don’t forgive you. Easier said than done I know. What the reality is that your forgiving them so that you can move on with your life and not be hindered, influenced, or controlled by the other person’s words or actions. Remember, you have the final saying in your life, not someone else. They can’t make you feel bad without your consent.

2. Understand Yourself

If you wronged someone, apologize to them yes, but also look into why you wronged to begin with. Your don’t always notice your behavior, but others notice it. Understand what feelings are taking place. Allow yourself to feel what your feeling. If you don’t like those feelings, you can change them. Try putting yourself in their shoes and see how you feel if you were mistreated or wronged by someone. Treat others the way you want to be treated.

3. Forgiveness Helps Your Overall Health

Forgiveness is connected with your mental and physical health. Physically, forgiveness can lower your blood pressure and heart rate. Your sleep quality improves and fatigue is reduced. If you hold a grudge, your using up quite a bit of energy which can be fueled by anger, resentment, or jealousy for example. Mentally and emotionally speaking, forgiveness can be relieving and you can free yourself from feelings of depression and hostility and lower your anxiety. You can relieve yourself from feeling bitter toward the other person. There is a certain kind of heaviness that comes with not forgiving someone (the grudge is they heavy feeling). This kind of heaviness can be draining and I can speak from experience.

4. Let the Healing Process Begin

You want to move on from whatever it was that hurt you? Well forgiving someone allows the process of healing to begin. If you want to move forward and leave the past in the past, you need to allow yourself to heal. You are worthy of being healed. Don’t let anyone tell you that your not. One thing to keep in mind, the healing process can’t be rush. The healing process can take long or it can be short. It all depends on how bad you were hurt and how wronged you were. If there was more than one person involved who hurt you, the healing process can take longer. Take each day one at a time. Remember baby steps are good.

Here is a video that describes in depth about how forgiveness is freedom. Sara Montana is a writer and editor who talks about her journey of forgiveness and how it can be tricky. I would suggest that you keep and open mind and watch the whole video.

Final Thoughts and Sum Up

Forgiveness can be tough to do, but it’s the best kind of revenge and it’s one of life’s great lessons. We free ourselves from the victim mentality that comes with being hurt and wronged. You can begin to be at peace and most importantly you are not giving someone else authority over your mind and heart.

Hurt by Someone You Cared About? Yeah I Know the Feeling

Our parents are the first people who care for us when we are born. As we grow up we start to care for other people. Some of those people become friends. At some point we meet someone who we really care about and sometimes that develops into a romantic relationship which can turn into a marriage. At any point, these people we care for can hurt us. They hurt us because maybe we hurt them first, they hurt us because they misunderstood something or took something the wrong way, but they can hurt us for no reason. Whatever the reason or no reason, the feeling of being hurt by them can stick with us and it doesn’t feel good.

We all have feelings that can be hurt. Our friends, relatives, siblings, parents, spouse, girlfriend, boyfriend, boss, landlord, even teachers can all hurt our feelings. Let’s be real, none of us like to have our feelings hurt by anyone. If we don’t like to have our feelings hurt, we shouldn’t hurt others peoples feelings. When it comes to the people we care about and have more of a connection with, our feelings can take a bigger hit if these people hurt us. These people are the ones we have invested more time in and let them in on personal information about us. As we get to know them, their opinions about us matter more. Their overall opinions on anything become more important to us. Were willing to listen to what they have to say, even if it’s something we don’t 100% agree with.

When we get hurt by someone, it can take time for us to get over it. The more we cared about the other person, the worse the pain will feel. I can speak from experience from the past and from a few months ago. Your not alone when it comes to being hurt by someone you really cared about. The pain can cause us to doubt ourselves. We can begin to think we can’t do anything, we screw up everything we do, and we don’t deserve to have good people in our lives. The feeling of being hurt can get to a point where we start questioning the people we are friends with, family members, and have strong connections with. Another thing that can happen is that we can go into self preservation mode. We put up walls and keep people at arms length. We may even isolate ourselves from the world and cheat ourselves out of the things that we enjoy doing. I have found that one of the reasons we do these things is because we don’t want to get hurt again. So our minds sometimes can into survival mode (our minds put out energy into making sure we stay sane) because it interpreted the feeling of being hurt as an attack on our well being.

Here are some ways to help you get over the hurt and to help you move forward:

1. Don’t Seek Revenge

One of the things we may want to do after we have gotten hurt by someone is to hurt them back. The feeling of wanting to do it feels good and you believe that you’ll feel even better after you get back at the other person. Don’t let the anger get the best of you. Be the bigger person and accept what has happened. You can’t go back and change it, its already happened. Your best bet is to move forward. If you get back and hurt the other person, you’ll feel good briefly, but then the guilt and remorse can come in and you’ll feel worse and than what you were.

2. Seek Emotional Support

I mentioned that it may be hard to be around others because you don’t want to get hurt by anyone else, but there are those specific people who you know will be there for you in your time of need no matter what. You know these people will be there for you for comfort. Are these people your parents? A trusted relative? A friend who’s like a brother or sister to you? A childhood friend? Only you know. Seek them out and talk to them, even if you just need to vent.

3. Forgive the Person

One of the hardest things to do is to forgive people especially those who have hurt us. Forgiveness helps us to move forward and not develop and hold grudges towards other people. As tough as it is, we have to forgive the person or people who hurt us. Forgiveness is about not letting the feeling of being hurt control you. You may not get an apology from the other person. If you do, great. If you don’t get an apology, one don’t let that make you feel inferior or that your not worth an apology. Second not getting that apology can tell you about who that other person really is.

4. Do Things You Find Enjoyable

You sometimes need time to process the hurt. I believe that your mind and maybe your subconscious is at work processing the hurt. While it does that, it doesn’t help to dwell on it. Instead do something you like to do. Get immersed in something that you have so much fun doing that you don’t even get a chance to think about the hurt your feeling. This a great way to distract yourself for the time being.

5. Distance Yourself

You may need to distance yourself from this person or people in order to move on. Delete them on social media, get rid of their phone number, get rid of photos, trinkets, or other reminders of that person if the hurt is real bad, change shifts so that your not working with them, and in some extreme cases change classes you have with them, change jobs, if your in on a team with them, leave the team if it hurts you way too much to be around them.

Be grateful for the people you do have in your life. These people have been kind to you, given you compliments, and helped you. It’s also important to bring yourself back to the present. When we have been hurt, we tend to live in the past and relive the hurt over and over maybe hoping for a different outcome. One of the things we have to do is let the negative emotions flow. It’s ok to be sad, so we have to allow ourselves to feel those negative emotions so we can move on. We just can’t dwell on them. Take care of yourself above all else. Be patient and gentle with yourself.