Ever Feel Like you Didn’t Deserve to be Around Wonderful People?

Was there a time where you met someone and he or she was so much fun getting to know and being around? I’m sure there are several people like that in your life. As time went on however, as you got to know this person, did you begin to think differently about yourself? Did you start to believe that you weren’t good enough to be around? Did you think that you weren’t good enough to be their friend? Maybe you reached a point where you just stayed away from this person and avoided them.

Not Good Enough, but why?

‘Not good enough’ is a phrase we have said, read, thought of, or heard at some point in our lives. Your not alone if any of these things have ever been on your mind. This is something I battled with for quite some time recently. There are people with very big hearts who are funny, generous, humble, and kind to everyone they meet. There are people who gravitate toward them because they are such wonderful people to be around.

However, as I mentioned there are individuals who stay away from those kinds of people for various reasons. Maybe they don’t think there good enough to be in their presence. They may think they’ll say something to make that person feel bad.

These thoughts stem from our insecurities. I have mentioned flaws in the past; that we should accept them because that makes us unique and it’s easier to live our lives with them. Well our flaws can get the best of us at times and can make us think less of ourselves if we let them take control of the steering wheel.

We think things like, ‘I’m stupid for thinking that I was good enough’ or ‘No matter how hard I try, my best will never be good enough’. These are some thoughts I battled with for over a year. We compare our self-worth to those who we believe are better than us.

We may think that we we have things under control in our lives, but then when we see or interact with someone who is smiling, laughing, making jokes, and is overall all joyful, we can sometimes begin to look down on ourselves. We can start to think that our negative or less than positive vibe will bring down someone else’s positive and joyful vibe. If things get too bad, we even may just cheat ourselves out of a fun time and let the negative and toxic thinking take away all the good that there is or could be.

Insecurities Taking Control

If our insecurities get the better of us, toxic thoughts, lies, and all kinds if negative vibes can occur within us. These things can effect us not just mentally and emotionally, but also physically as well. The longer this goes on, the harder it can be to get out of this negative cycle.

Insecurities can affect the way we interact with everyone around us. We look at someone different than who they really are. We may think that everything in their life comes easy to them, they don’t don’t know what its like to feel down, and that they get everything handed to them on a silver platter.

Your insecurities can make it hard for you to love yourself. You don’t feel satisfied with everything you do. You second guess yourself with things you say or do. You think that you could have done better. Though we strive to do better, getting stuck in that mindset can cause us to loose touch with the present and ignore any progress or hard work we do or have done.

What Really May be Going on

Now at this point you think that this other person with a big heart is and is doing better than you. Well remember my post on wearing emotional masks? These people with big hearts could be wearing them. On the outside they look like everything is fine, but in the inside they’re not doing so good.

Your insecurities can give you a negative lense in seeing life. You may not see the reality of the situation. Things may not be as bad as you made them out to be.

If anything I have mentioned spoke true to you, here are some tips to not let your insecurities get the better of you:

  • Find what traits makes you unique and special than everyone else. Being different isn’t a bad thing.
  • Find what factors and traits you and the other person have in common
  • Listen to their words and don’t second guess them
  • Take care of yourself and respect your well being.
  • Treat yourself to something nice
  • Insecurities can create unrealistic expectations and facts. Find out, challenge, and pick apart those things to see if they really are true
  • REALLY really get to know the other person so if there are things repeated about themselves, you begin to realize that those things are really true
  • Learn to accept your flaws
  • Work through your insecurities and not let them control you and be patient with yourself
  • Learn to take what the other person says at face value. Not everyone is out to get you, wanting to deceive, lie, or manipulate you
  • Seek professional help or morale and emotional support from family and friends if things are too tough to handle alone

Wrap Up

Learning to love yourself sounds easy, but it can be one of the hardest things to learn and do in your life. It’s something that takes time and maybe your whole life. You may have to work through some tough things, but it’s worth it.

What I found is that you can reach a point where your insecurities aren’t controlling you, but your able to manage them better. You can work off of that foundation better until you reach a point where you are at peace with yourself. What is that point you may be wondering, I don’t know; only you know that. Everyone gets to that place differently and at different times.

Take care, stay safe, and remember your not alone and you have worth in this world.

Ever Heard of Toxic Positivity? It’s a Thing

Well here’s my first official post after being on hiatus for a little over 2 months. While on hiatus, there were some new things that I learned about. One of them is toxic positivity.

Now how could positivity be toxic? That’s what I thought at first, but then I looked more into it. Well it’s something that isn’t catastrophic and horrible, but it can be hurtful even in the long run.

What is Toxic Positivity?

That’s the definition of this topic. I’m sure at some point in our lives we were in a situation where we had to make it appear that we were happy and everything was all right where in reality that wasn’t the case. We had to hold back our tears, keep our frustrations in check, and even forget about our problems and struggles.

This goes back to my post on wearing emotional masks to keep up a positive yet fake appearance. Not expressing and letting out other emotions like anger, sadness, or fear for example, your burying those feelings and not being true to yourself. This may not always cause complications right away, but there can be some problems in the future.

Toxic positivity is a form of avoidance. A person can have those negative emotions and not want to acknowledge them maybe assuming that they’ll go away on their own. Acknowledging emotions shows that their present, but something you may not know is that you don’t have to fully embrace them in that moment. You can recognize it, but you can move past it immediately.

Situational Examples

If you’re dealing with something negative, some environments make it hard to express these emotions. When were at school, it’s hard to show sadness for example because some would say that you would be disrupting the class.

If your at work and working with kids and your angry with someone, you couldn’t yell or swear at the kids for no reason. You would have to bite your tongue or in an extreme case don’t go into work if you can’t control your emotions. Any kind of outbursts toward the kids, boss, or your co-workers wouldn’t be good.

If you were around people who let’s say you believed were doing better than you, it may make you feel uncomfortable to be around or associate with them. Your outward appearance says happiness, but on the inside you feel jealous.

Your not being true to yourself or your emotions.

Phrases

There are some phrases that we may have said to someone who was feeling down and it turns out that those words weren’t helping the person and we’re actually making things worse.

Here is a list of some of those phrases:

  • Just be happy
  • Only good vibes
  • You’ll get over it
  • Think happy thoughts
  • You’ll get through this
  • Stop being negative
  • See the good in everything
  • Never give up

Some of these phrases I have said to someone myself in an effort to try to help them; so your not alone if you have done this. Giving up on something should ONLY be done if it’s causing you any kind of physical, mental, or emotional harm to yourself or to other people.

Below is a chart of positivity and toxic positivity phrases:

Handling Toxic Positivity

So you may be asking yourself, ‘how can I be true to myself?’ or ‘how can I help someone in my life without giving them any kind of toxic positivity?’. Here are some ways in how to handle toxic positivity:

  • Don’t believe that you should ‘be happy’ all the time
  • Talk to someone who will ‘really’ listen to you
  • Your not a bad person if your not happy
  • Possibly look into therapy
  • It’s ok to feel whatever it is your feeling. Welcome all your feelings
  • Lend a listening ear to someone instead of advice
  • Acknowledging that someone feels bad and being around them may be all the support and comfort they need

Here is a chart of how to avoid toxic positivity:

Discussion

As I mentioned before, you’re not alone if you have said any of those phrases or done anything that will be considered toxic positivity. Some of those phrases we learn indirectly from other people or from what we read sometimes. Those phrases or other behaviors that resemble toxic positivity are mostly done with good intentions. Most people aren’t trying to make things worse for the other person. Sometimes those you care about like family members or close friends may just need a hug to start feeling better. They don’t need any tips or a lecture on their problems.

Wrap Up

Looking into this topic was an eye opener for me. Maybe it was an eye opener for you as well. Some of our personalities is about solving and fixing problems that we encounter; that could be our own or other peoples. We sometimes get in our head that we have to do something huge in order to fix something even if it’s simple and that it’s going to require a lot of work. That’s not always the case; sometimes we just have to take a step back and look at the overall problem and deconstruct it bit by bit.

It’s nice to be back and there will be more content coming. Thank you for your support I really appreciate it and remember your not alone and you have worth in this world.

I’m Afraid of Being Happy…Huh?

So for the first video discussion, it’s about being afraid of being happy. It’s from Meech from ‘On the Radar’.

The first sentence he says, I’ll admit I had to let that sink in myself. Why would anyone be afraid of being happy? You would think everyone wants to be happy right? Well unfortunately that’s not the case.

In the video, he talks about how happiness is foreign to some people. They only know how to think negative thoughts and are pessimistic about life.

They find comfort in being overwhelmed with stress. They find comfort in anger, depression, and agitation. People don’t want to come out of it because as bad and crappy as they feel, it’s comforting for them.

He brings up that we embrace depression and that we subconsciously stay in it and like it. I personally believe that is a thing because I have done that myself a number of times in my life.

Happiness is so foreign to people that he mentions that people are so afraid of it because they don’t know how to cope with it, respond to it, and deal with it. They don’t believe that it’s real. They are expecting things to go bad. So instead of enjoying the moment, they are completely dismissing it entirely. They are just waiting for things to go bad and putting all there energy and focus into that mindset.

Oddly enough, he mentions that when you’re around other people with that same negative mindset, the negative things that are talked about, both people are more likely to agree with one another. You can say that people feed off of each other’s negativity.

What I found interesting is that a if your too positive toward someone with this negative mindset, you can turn those people away. You could say that people who are used to being around negative people get turned away from any bit of positively optimism from them.

If you have felt this way or feel this way currently, your not alone. I have felt like this; I know friends who felt like this. There are people in this world who are like this. People who are in abusive relationships are like this. You may see people like this everyday in different areas of your life. Sometimes we notice them and sometimes we don’t. These people could be closer to us than we think.

I hope you all have enjoyed this first discussion post. I hope to do more of these in the future. Take care of yourselves and remember you are not alone and you have worth in this world.