Video Time: Toxic Productivity

Hey guys, this topic has been on my mind for some time. I wasn’t sure how to approach it until now. Below is a link to 2 videos that talk about how doing too much and working a lot isn’t the best for your mental health.

The first video is from psychologist Dr. Julie Smith. Though her video talks about toxic productivity during Covid lockdown, the information is still relevant today. The second video is from Clement Mihailescu the CEO and Co-founder of AlgoExpert. He talks about his own experience with toxic productivity and what has helped him find balance with work and self-care.

Take care, stay safe, and remember your not alone and you have worth in this world.

Ever Feel Like you Didn’t Deserve to be Around Wonderful People?

Was there a time where you met someone and he or she was so much fun getting to know and being around? I’m sure there are several people like that in your life. As time went on however, as you got to know this person, did you begin to think differently about yourself? Did you start to believe that you weren’t good enough to be around? Did you think that you weren’t good enough to be their friend? Maybe you reached a point where you just stayed away from this person and avoided them.

Not Good Enough, but why?

‘Not good enough’ is a phrase we have said, read, thought of, or heard at some point in our lives. Your not alone if any of these things have ever been on your mind. This is something I battled with for quite some time recently. There are people with very big hearts who are funny, generous, humble, and kind to everyone they meet. There are people who gravitate toward them because they are such wonderful people to be around.

However, as I mentioned there are individuals who stay away from those kinds of people for various reasons. Maybe they don’t think there good enough to be in their presence. They may think they’ll say something to make that person feel bad.

These thoughts stem from our insecurities. I have mentioned flaws in the past; that we should accept them because that makes us unique and it’s easier to live our lives with them. Well our flaws can get the best of us at times and can make us think less of ourselves if we let them take control of the steering wheel.

We think things like, ‘I’m stupid for thinking that I was good enough’ or ‘No matter how hard I try, my best will never be good enough’. These are some thoughts I battled with for over a year. We compare our self-worth to those who we believe are better than us.

We may think that we we have things under control in our lives, but then when we see or interact with someone who is smiling, laughing, making jokes, and is overall all joyful, we can sometimes begin to look down on ourselves. We can start to think that our negative or less than positive vibe will bring down someone else’s positive and joyful vibe. If things get too bad, we even may just cheat ourselves out of a fun time and let the negative and toxic thinking take away all the good that there is or could be.

Insecurities Taking Control

If our insecurities get the better of us, toxic thoughts, lies, and all kinds if negative vibes can occur within us. These things can effect us not just mentally and emotionally, but also physically as well. The longer this goes on, the harder it can be to get out of this negative cycle.

Insecurities can affect the way we interact with everyone around us. We look at someone different than who they really are. We may think that everything in their life comes easy to them, they don’t don’t know what its like to feel down, and that they get everything handed to them on a silver platter.

Your insecurities can make it hard for you to love yourself. You don’t feel satisfied with everything you do. You second guess yourself with things you say or do. You think that you could have done better. Though we strive to do better, getting stuck in that mindset can cause us to loose touch with the present and ignore any progress or hard work we do or have done.

What Really May be Going on

Now at this point you think that this other person with a big heart is and is doing better than you. Well remember my post on wearing emotional masks? These people with big hearts could be wearing them. On the outside they look like everything is fine, but in the inside they’re not doing so good.

Your insecurities can give you a negative lense in seeing life. You may not see the reality of the situation. Things may not be as bad as you made them out to be.

If anything I have mentioned spoke true to you, here are some tips to not let your insecurities get the better of you:

  • Find what traits makes you unique and special than everyone else. Being different isn’t a bad thing.
  • Find what factors and traits you and the other person have in common
  • Listen to their words and don’t second guess them
  • Take care of yourself and respect your well being.
  • Treat yourself to something nice
  • Insecurities can create unrealistic expectations and facts. Find out, challenge, and pick apart those things to see if they really are true
  • REALLY really get to know the other person so if there are things repeated about themselves, you begin to realize that those things are really true
  • Learn to accept your flaws
  • Work through your insecurities and not let them control you and be patient with yourself
  • Learn to take what the other person says at face value. Not everyone is out to get you, wanting to deceive, lie, or manipulate you
  • Seek professional help or morale and emotional support from family and friends if things are too tough to handle alone

Wrap Up

Learning to love yourself sounds easy, but it can be one of the hardest things to learn and do in your life. It’s something that takes time and maybe your whole life. You may have to work through some tough things, but it’s worth it.

What I found is that you can reach a point where your insecurities aren’t controlling you, but your able to manage them better. You can work off of that foundation better until you reach a point where you are at peace with yourself. What is that point you may be wondering, I don’t know; only you know that. Everyone gets to that place differently and at different times.

Take care, stay safe, and remember your not alone and you have worth in this world.

7 Signs That You are Being Hard on Yourself

There are people out there who can take a compliment and be happy and that’s it. Then there are those who have trouble taking a compliment at face value because they think that what is being said about them is a lie, that there is an underlying motive to it that benefits the other person, or that they don’t deserve to be complimented on anything. These people have a tendency to be hard on themselves at almost anything they say or do. They will go to lengths to punish themselves if they think they messed up and made a mistake.  If you’re one of these people, your not the only person in the world who is hard on themselves. I have experienced this myself personally.

The 7 Signs

There are a number of reasons we’re hard on ourselves. I will be talking about 7 signs that are common among people. In my post about sabotaging ourselves, being hard on yourself can be the main reason why we would want to damage our self-worth and think low of ourselves.

On that note, one sign is that we criticize ourselves over small mistakes we make. Even if no one was affected by it and if they were, they just brushed it off, we still kick ourselves over the fact that it happened. Even if the consequences of our mistakes are minimal or if there are none at all, we still beat ourselves up over them.

Another sign that your being hard on yourself is that after you correct or fix your mistake, you still feel guilty and bad about yourself. You may think that ‘you’re better than this’, ‘It shouldn’t have happened at all’, or ‘Why do I always do that?’. You can have a mindset where you think that there is no room for error in your life, so if the littlest thing bad or wrong thing happens, you may freak out.

A third sign is that your not taking care of yourself. You may have a lot of other things to get done during the day. Appointments to keep, kids to drop off, pick up groceries, feed your pets, mow the lawn, clean the house, wash dishes, study and do homework, etc are some things that are on our to do list. However, what we let happen is when prioritizing all things these is that we leave out self-care. We can get so caught up in completing these things that we forget to relax, brush our teeth, bathe, eat, sleep, or treat ourselves to something nice.

Another sign that your hard on yourself is that when someone mistreats you, you assume that what they said or did to you is true and that your at fault. This results in your self-esteem going down, you don’t feel good about yourself. You can then begin to think that you can’t do anything right and that your a screw up.

A fifth sign is that although you try to be the best you can be and go that extra mile, you begin to feel exhausted and depleted of energy. There is a chance that your neglecting something whether its your friends, family, pets, plants, or again your health because your putting all your energy and focus on other things. You may have a tendency to move on to the next thing or two, but you may be tired and a reason can be that you aren’t spending enough or any time relaxing and recharging yourself for that next thing.

A sixth sign is that even though you have your life together (or a good handle on it), you still feel like a failure. You may be too focused on what isn’t right in your life and what is missing to notice all the good things you already have. This kind of thinking can lead you to thinking your not good enough, your always behind and trying to catch up to everyone else, or that something is wrong with you.

The seventh sign is that when you see or hear someone make a stupid little mistake you understand it, whereas if you make a stupid little mistake you don’t understand it. You talk negative about yourself like ‘I’m smarter than that I should know better’, your morale goes down and you feel bad about yourself.

Here are some ways you stop being hard on yourself and learn to see and embrace what you have accomplished:

  1. The mistakes you make means you are human and your not perfect
  2. If you mess up, view it as a learning experience instead of something horrible that happened
  3. Forgive yourself of past goofs, mistakes, and screw ups.
  4. Remember that there are people in your life that care about you. Surround yourself with them
  5. Your not a failure if you keep trying
  6. Recite positive affirmations about things your good at and what good traits, values, and morals you have
  7. Write down those positive, traits, values, accomplishments, and morals about yourself and keep it close by to look at and remind yourself that you have self-worth
  8. Not everything in life is all or nothing. There is a middle ground that you can meet which is just fine
  9. If you have any kind of awards, things you created, things you fixed, look at them and remember that you created them from scratch and earned them with hard work
  10. Embrace your flaws. Find the humor in them. They make up who you are and remember there is only one of you in this world
  11. Don’t compare yourself to anyone else. You are your own person and are on your own path in life
  12. Practice good hygiene and try various relaxation techniques to calm your mind and stop the negative self-talk

Wrap Up

man-in-red-crew-neck-sweatshirt-photography-941693Being hard on yourself is something that I and so many other people in this world have done to ourselves. We don’t give ourselves enough credit for the things we have done and accomplished even if we put a lot of hard work into it. We strive to get better all the time, however we can get so focused on that idea that we overlook all the hard work and accomplishments we have done and achieved so far and only see what we haven’t done yet, what we need to do, and what we messed up. We have to rework our mindset to where we can give ourselves the proper validation and credit on our success. We need to reward ourselves to keep our motivation going (positive reinforcement) so that we can do more things and continue to work hard. Remember your success story can be different than someone else’s success story. For example, your success can be just be taking care of yourself and keeping yourself together and not falling apart; someone else may have succeeded at passing their chemistry final. Determine your success by comparing your accomplishments to your skills, talents, and abilities. You wouldn’t be where you are in your life right now if you didn’t have any good traits, values, morals, talents, and skills.  Right?