There are plenty of difficult obstacles in your path. Don’t allow yourself to become one of them.
Has something good ever happened to you that you couldn’t believe it was true? Have you ever accomplished something that was difficult and maybe tiresome? Did you get a gift from a friend or family member as a reward for something you did or as a nice gesture? You may have been given a gift for no reason at all. Did you become friends with a really great person that really cared about your well being? I would say that you answered yes to all some or at least one of these questions. Having something good happen to us is a blessing even when we don’t expect it. Yet when these good things do happen, there’s something that can happen that feels like we don’t deserve it. When this thought sets in, we begin to sabotage that good thing or worse, our self-worth.I personally have been in this spot plenty of times over different things. So now you just found out that you’re not the only person who thinks like this or does it. I will tell you that there are a lot more people out there who are in the same predicament you are. Is this a sad fact? Yes I’m afraid it is. We have something good happen to us and for various reasons we don’t think were deserving of it and we may go as far to avoid it, ruin it, and damage ourselves in the process. So why do we do this to ourselves?
Why the Sabotage?
Something great can happen in the beginning and for a while things are fine maybe better than ever. Down the road, things can change. Self-doubt begins to happen and we begin to question things about ourselves and the good thing, gesture, gift, or person. We begin to judge our self-worth and wonder if we’re worthy of it or deserving of it. A lack of self-esteem can fuel negative thoughts, fear, and negative self-talk which can lead to various sabotaging behaviors. We don’t believe in ourselves that we can do anything right or anything at all. Behaviors like cheating ourselves out of fun things, avoiding our friends, family, throwing away or destroying gifts can occur. It can even go as far as intentionally causing self-harm to ourselves physically (cutting ourselves), mentally (saying ‘I’m not good enough for her or him’), and emotionally (I deserve all the bad and sad things that happen in my life, not the good ones).
We may turn to drugs, self-medicating, and a lot of alcohol as a way of sabotaging ourselves. We may ruin our health with a lot of junk food, overeating due to high levels of stress, procrastination, and abnormal sleep patterns. We may even convince ourselves that, when it comes to our friends and family, spouse, boyfriend, girlfriend, or someone we have a crush on, all we would do is bring pain, misery, and sadness to this person’s life. So we decide to stay away from them or ruin the friendship or relationship we have with them thinking this will prevent any kind of pain or hurt that we would have caused them.
Another reason we self-sabotage ourselves is because we need some kind of control in our lives. There are things that happen that our just out our control and we can’t do nothing about it. These things can ruin all the good times and fun we are currently having if we let them; more on that later. So we resort to sabotaging ourselves because it’s the only thing we can control with what’s going on. Our attitude becomes a negative one in which we can get stuck in and have a hard time getting out of. This self-destructive or self-defeating attitude can take a huge toll on us to where we don’t eat, neglect our health and hygiene, feel fatigued, stay in bed all day, always feel down and sad, and in extreme cases contemplate taking our own life.
Here are some ways to help you stop sabotaging yourself:
- Change your pattern of behavior. Your behavior can reflect your emotions. If you have your head down, hardly talk to anyone in a group setting, have a frown on your face, talk down about yourself, maybe you have low self-esteem. Try watching something that can make you laugh which can lift your mood which can also change your mindset. Being around people who have vibrant, upbeat, maybe goofy, and silly personalities can make you feel better.
- Positive self-talk is important because it can help you change your mindset which then helps in changing your behavior. Say something good about yourself. Compliments that are spoken help to put that statement out in the world. Tell yourself that your going to get through this break up because you are strong. Did you build or create something by yourself that turned out great? If so, compliment yourself on that.
- Self-reflection is helpful because you stop your thought process and reflect on what’s going on in your life. What areas are wonderful in your life? What things do want to improve on? Are the people in your life people you can trust and make you feel good about yourself? Do they compliment and encourage you? These are good questions to ask yourself which can make you feel that you have self-worth and not want to sabotage it.
- Set goals and make plans that will help you to start complimenting yourself and find your peace of mind. Make it a goal to say something nice about yourself three times a day for example. Finish something even if it’s small that you can be proud of even if it’s vacuuming the floor. All these good things will be recognized by your subconscious which will start to register in your conscious allowing yourself to feel better and letting the healing begin.
- Find the source of what is making you feel like your nothing or a nobody. Is it a lie someone told you? Is it some kind of insecurity? Were you hurt by a loved one or someone you really cared about? Finding the source can help you to tackle it and pick it apart to see if it’s a lie, a toxic thought, an unrealistic expectation, something that you can change, or something that you have to accept and just move on.
- Don’t rely heavily on external factors for happiness because these are things that are likely to be out of your control and can’t change. Know what is out of your control and work on to accept it. This also includes people. If you give other people the power to decide your state of mind and your well-being, you may find yourself dissatisfied or let down. Now I’m not saying don’t rely on moral support to cheer you up, just remember that you can create your own joy and happiness. Everyone is not perfect.
- Cherish the good things and milk the joy out of them. Doing this will help put you in a mindset where tough things aren’t as bad as they appeared. You will start to feel better which again elevate your mood. Don’t let compliments about yourself go over your head. Savior the moment when they happen. That good feeling will make you feel better and shine some light on your life. I know from experience.
Final Thoughts and Sum Up
You can’t give everything up about yourself because bad things happen. Don’t let the good things get sidelined or worse be forgotten. Easier said than done I know. Take each day one at a time. I can tell you from experience, this process is not a sprint, it’s a marathon. These good things or wonderful people wouldn’t have come to you if you didn’t deserve it. As a friend of mine says, “Your beautiful and you have worth”.