Now this is something that I really struggled with in my past. It became very relevant with the last job I had in late 2016. There are many reasons why one would refuse to ask for help. There are also people out there who don’t know how to ask for help. Now some would question that and think ‘how do people not know how to ask for help?’. These are things I want to discuss in this post.
This topic is something I struggled with throughout my life. If I didn’t know something instead of asking for help, I would just find a solution myself or just go on in my life without knowing the answer. So if this is you, you’re not alone. For me, this is been a long process and a lot of work of rewiring different things in my mind, eliminating lies, eliminating unrealistic expectations, and deconstructing old stigmas. There are probably a handful of people in your life who don’t always ask for help or refuses any kind of help completely.
There are people out there who don’t want help. They refuse it for a number of reasons. They believe that whatever is that they’re working on that only they can do it right. No one can do a better job than they can. These kind of people prefer to do things alone. They don’t want to be bothered by other people.
One of the motivators for this kind of behavior is that these people want to take all the credit for themselves. They don’t want to share the accomplishment, achievement, or glory with anyone. Another motivator can be pride. Some people are too proud to ask for help. They sometimes will make things harder on themselves by not asking for help. You could say that they work hard and not always smart.
A big reason someone will not ask for help is because of a lack of trust. If someone doesn’t trust another person with a secret or a task they will refuse any kind of help. There are various levels of trust and bigger secrets requires a large amount of trust.
There are some students in school and college who will not ask for help on assignments, projects, quizzes, or exams. There are students who will not ask a teacher or professor for help because they think they’ll look dumb in front of them. They may think that the teacher thought they weren’t paying attention during class. There are also scenarios where someone won’t ask for help because they will feel embarrassed for asking it.
There are also some students who are afraid of being seen as a know-it-all or a teacher’s pet in front of the other students. If a teacher asks the class a question, there are some students who know the answer, but won’t raise their hand because of this fear. They’re afraid that they’ll be made it fun of or bullied for just being smart and or being smarter than they are.
People may have also have asked for help in the past, but got ridiculed or scolded for it. So now they’re afraid to ask for help with anything because of that fear. Another reason people don’t ask for help is because they are afraid that they’ll look stupid. They could be around a group of their friends or even family members and if they have a question about something they won’t ask it. They don’t want to look stupid or foolish in front of people that care about them and respect them.
Don’t Know How to Ask For Help
Now there are people out there who want help, but don’t know how to ask for it. These people may have grown up learning that asking for help is a sign of weakness. That having help with something to reach a goal is saying that ‘you couldn’t do it by yourself’. These people also may have grown up doing everything and in their life by themselves. So asking for help, even with a tiniest thing, is unfamiliar to them.
There are people out there who are so independent and take care of everything they need to do on their own that asking for help is foreign to them. Should they come across something that they can’t do by themselves and need actual help with, they may feel very lost and confused. They also may feel very uncomfortable and could start stressing themselves out over this.
Here are some ways that can help you to start asking for help when you need it:
- Know exactly what you need help with
- Show that you have tried something by yourself
- Make make a list of things you need help with
- Make a list of people who you believe can help you
- Know that it is healthy and smart to ask for help
- Be aware of how good it feels when your getting help
- Speak up
- Ask for help in a positive way
- Don’t be self-deprecating
- Be persistent
- Don’t worry what others will think of you
Asking for help with various things is a part of our life. We’re all on different journeys and sometimes we need help getting to where we want to be. Were not a lesser person for asking for help. We do have people in our lives who are willing to help us if we ask them. In my experience, I have heard people saying that if you ever need to talk just shoot me a text or an email. This means that the person has opened the door for you and all you have to do is walk in. If you ask for their help and for some odd reason they turn you down, it can be hurtful but you’re not at fault. This just shows set the person’s morals and values aren’t that good. You probably wouldn’t trust them with anything or be very hesitant to ask them for help again.
Sometimes asking for help can be scary because you don’t know what the other person is going to say. They may refuse to help you or they don’t know how to help you. You can ask for help and still be independent and build character. There are things in life you want to work smart at and not hard at. There is no shame and ask for help at all. You don’t have to learn everything in life on your own. Learning to ask for someone else’s help can help build your self-esteem and confidence. You see that there are kind and helpful people in our world. If you need help, you need help. There is nothing wrong with that. Real family and true friends will offer to help you when you need it. At some point in your life, the tables will turn. Someone will ask you for your help with something and when that time comes, will you help them? Take care of yourselves and remember you’re not alone and you have worth in this world.