Our parents are the first people who care for us when we are born. As we grow up we start to care for other people. Some of those people become friends. At some point we meet someone who we really care about and sometimes that develops into a romantic relationship which can turn into a marriage. At any point, these people we care for can hurt us. They hurt us because maybe we hurt them first, they hurt us because they misunderstood something or took something the wrong way, but they can hurt us for no reason. Whatever the reason or no reason, the feeling of being hurt by them can stick with us and it doesn’t feel good.
We all have feelings that can be hurt. Our friends, relatives, siblings, parents, spouse, girlfriend, boyfriend, boss, landlord, even teachers can all hurt our feelings. Let’s be real, none of us like to have our feelings hurt by anyone. If we don’t like to have our feelings hurt, we shouldn’t hurt others peoples feelings. When it comes to the people we care about and have more of a connection with, our feelings can take a bigger hit if these people hurt us. These people are the ones we have invested more time in and let them in on personal information about us. As we get to know them, their opinions about us matter more. Their overall opinions on anything become more important to us. Were willing to listen to what they have to say, even if it’s something we don’t 100% agree with.
When we get hurt by someone, it can take time for us to get over it. The more we cared about the other person, the worse the pain will feel. I can speak from experience from the past and from a few months ago. Your not alone when it comes to being hurt by someone you really cared about. The pain can cause us to doubt ourselves. We can begin to think we can’t do anything, we screw up everything we do, and we don’t deserve to have good people in our lives. The feeling of being hurt can get to a point where we start questioning the people we are friends with, family members, and have strong connections with. Another thing that can happen is that we can go into self preservation mode. We put up walls and keep people at arms length. We may even isolate ourselves from the world and cheat ourselves out of the things that we enjoy doing. I have found that one of the reasons we do these things is because we don’t want to get hurt again. So our minds sometimes can into survival mode (our minds put out energy into making sure we stay sane) because it interpreted the feeling of being hurt as an attack on our well being.
Here are some ways to help you get over the hurt and to help you move forward:
1. Don’t Seek Revenge
One of the things we may want to do after we have gotten hurt by someone is to hurt them back. The feeling of wanting to do it feels good and you believe that you’ll feel even better after you get back at the other person. Don’t let the anger get the best of you. Be the bigger person and accept what has happened. You can’t go back and change it, its already happened. Your best bet is to move forward. If you get back and hurt the other person, you’ll feel good briefly, but then the guilt and remorse can come in and you’ll feel worse and than what you were.
2. Seek Emotional Support
I mentioned that it may be hard to be around others because you don’t want to get hurt by anyone else, but there are those specific people who you know will be there for you in your time of need no matter what. You know these people will be there for you for comfort. Are these people your parents? A trusted relative? A friend who’s like a brother or sister to you? A childhood friend? Only you know. Seek them out and talk to them, even if you just need to vent.
3. Forgive the Person
One of the hardest things to do is to forgive people especially those who have hurt us. Forgiveness helps us to move forward and not develop and hold grudges towards other people. As tough as it is, we have to forgive the person or people who hurt us. Forgiveness is about not letting the feeling of being hurt control you. You may not get an apology from the other person. If you do, great. If you don’t get an apology, one don’t let that make you feel inferior or that your not worth an apology. Second not getting that apology can tell you about who that other person really is.
4. Do Things You Find Enjoyable
You sometimes need time to process the hurt. I believe that your mind and maybe your subconscious is at work processing the hurt. While it does that, it doesn’t help to dwell on it. Instead do something you like to do. Get immersed in something that you have so much fun doing that you don’t even get a chance to think about the hurt your feeling. This a great way to distract yourself for the time being.
5. Distance Yourself
You may need to distance yourself from this person or people in order to move on. Delete them on social media, get rid of their phone number, get rid of photos, trinkets, or other reminders of that person if the hurt is real bad, change shifts so that your not working with them, and in some extreme cases change classes you have with them, change jobs, if your in on a team with them, leave the team if it hurts you way too much to be around them.
Be grateful for the people you do have in your life. These people have been kind to you, given you compliments, and helped you. It’s also important to bring yourself back to the present. When we have been hurt, we tend to live in the past and relive the hurt over and over maybe hoping for a different outcome. One of the things we have to do is let the negative emotions flow. It’s ok to be sad, so we have to allow ourselves to feel those negative emotions so we can move on. We just can’t dwell on them. Take care of yourself above all else. Be patient and gentle with yourself.