Have you ever wanted to make someone’s day better? Did you want to give someone some words of encouragement? If you answered yes to these questions, that’s great. Now let me ask you this, have you done these things but wanted to remain anonymous?

Wanting to help others, but wanting to be anonymous during the process isn’t something odd. I personally have done this numerous times and many people do this too, so your not alone. So why do people want to help those they care about but want to remain anonymous or in the shadows while doing so?

Helping From Afar

I previously talked about insecurities as well as low self-esteem before. Not long ago I talked about not wanting to be around wonderful good people because you felt like you didn’t deserve their attention or company. That being said, you still want to help these people in any way you can.

You may be going through a period where you feel insecure or really shy but you want to help out a friend. So maybe you give them something in their absence. You may slip a note of encouragement in their locker at school and it’s signed anonymous, you leave someone some money in their work cubicle, or you make an anonymous donation to a friend or family members charity. You may change or edit an invoice or someone’s English paper and then walk away.

Why Though?

Some people do this because they don’t feel like they don’t deserve the person who their helpings gratitude and thanks. They don’t feel worthy enough to be around these kind of people because of bad past experiences where their gratitude wasn’t appreciated and fear of rejection.

Being in the shadows feels comfortable for some people. For example, last year someone I know donated some money to a mutual friend of ours charity she was supporting, but the person remained anonymous. She was very happy with the donation, but she never found out who it was.

Some people will follow their friend’s social media accounts, but not interact with them. They may check their recent posts and tweets to see what they’re up to, but not comment or ‘like’ them. These people will read what is said and send good vibes that person’s way or say a prayer for them.

If you are someone who wants to break this habit and way of thinking, here are some ways to do that:

  • Accept your flaws
  • Be gentle with yourself
  • Accept acts of gratitude and the other person’s words of kindness
  • Don’t second guess yourself or the other person’s words or gestures
  • Embrace the good values and morals about yourself
  • Challenge your insecurities
  • Eliminate unrealistic expectations
  • Eliminate All or Nothing mindsets

Wrap Up

Helping those you care about in the shadows may be odd to some, but as long as your not being weird or inappropriate about it, your ok. Good intentions can be present, but they can be wrapped with insecurities and unrealistic expectations. This kind of mindset can be overcome, it takes time though. You are worthy of being around good people and having good people in your life. Like I said I have been through this myself. It took time, but I was able to overcome it. So if I can do it, you can as well.

Take care, stay safe, and remember your not alone and you have worth in this world.

3 Comments

  1. I wonder what you think about the donors? For these people, it is vital to be useful to someone at the right time and even if they do not have a lot of money, they give their blood, help at those critical moments other people. For them, a sign of gratitude from this particular person is not required at all. To be in the shadow and just know that you’ve helped someone is a lot. Is that a weakness of character or self-dislike?

    Like

  2. When I donate to a person’s gofundme or something similar, I do so anonymously because it’s not about me. And I don’t want to make it about me. I’ll usually allow the creator of the fundraiser see my name, but I don’t put it out there publicly. I just don’t feel like it’s anyone else’s business how I spend my money.

    Like

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